Main | Wednesday, February 22, 2006


Thursday, 7pm, the corner of Vanderbilt & 42nd......

I'm leaving work, heading down to the subway under Grand Central. The two cops (one male, one female) that usually stand on the far corner, the corner in front of the Vanderbilt entrance to Grand Central, are tonight standing on the close corner. That means that I cannot cruise the male cop, a ritual that I amuse myself with on most nights. I don't have a particular thing for cops or uniforms, it's just that this cop is extraordinarily handsome, with dark features and the palest green eyes I've ever seen. Often I'll catch his gaze as I'm in the middle of the street and we'll nod at each other as I pass. It's the closest thing to dating that I've got going.

But tonight, there'll be no gaze dating, no eye fucking. The cops are on the close corner and that means they've got their backs to me. I pull up with the crowd and wait for the light to change. Then I notice the male cop's ass and time stands still. I can't move. Birds fall from the sky. How the fuck have I never noticed his ass? How the fuck have I walked past this man over and over again and never seen this incredible, insane, high, round, perfect ass? This ass should be on a pedestal. This ass should be in a book. If aliens came down to Earth to do some ass harvesting, THIS is the ass that would be on their dashboard all the way home.

The light changes and the crowd surges into the street. But not me. No, I'm still having an ass attack. I'm still lost in assphoria. Then from the corner of my eye, I realize that I'm being watched. Somebody has followed the red lasers shooting from my eyes and totally busted me. It's the female cop. I snap out of my ass reverie and lurch forward. As I pass, the female cop leans her head to the side, puts her hand on her hip and murmurs, "Dream on, pal."

Oh, I will honey. Just as soon as I get home.


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