Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Archive

The Archive, the largest structure in the West Village, was built in the 1890's as New York City's Appraiser's Warehouse, the place where customs agents inspected imported goods and imposed duties and tariffs upon them. Despite the "interesting" block that it's on , The Archive is one of the hottest addresses in Lower Manhattan, as artists and celebs jostle for one of its 479 "loftlike" apartments. Last I heard, one bedrooms were going for around $6000. The best part about living at The Archive? Knife-wielding teen-trannys are never more than 20 feet away!

Trivia: I think it's a good bet that just about every homo in the West Village knows who lives in the far left unit of the apartments with the semi-circle windows.

Friday, September 15, 2006

HomoQuotable - Jim McGreevey

"We undressed and he kissed me. It was the first time in my life that a kiss meant what it was supposed to mean - it sent me through the roof. I was like a man emerging from 44 years in a cave to taste pure air for the first time, feel direct sunlight on pallid skin, warmth where there had only been a bone-chilling numbness. I pulled him to the bed and we made love like I'd always dreamed: a boastful, passionate, whispering, masculine kind of love." - Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, in his new book The Confession, describing his first tryst with the man whom the governor would later appoint New Jersey's head of Homeland Security.

For his next project, I think McGreevey should take a stab at writing some boastful, passionate, whispering, Harlequin Romance novels.

HomoQuotable - DJ Adam Goldstone

"Oh, that will never do." - Final words of NYC-based DJ and notorious fashionista Adam Goldstone, 37, as friends frantically tried to put ugly pants on him before rushing him to medics after he fainted in the shower of his RV at Burning Man two weeks ago. He was pronounced dead on the scene. Family members say Goldstone had a congenital heart defect. Goldstone was a legend on the Manhattan nightclub scene, with DJ cred going back to Save The Robots. His record The Sky Is Not Crying is a classic. Every time I saw Goldstone, he was wearing his trademark ascot.

42nd Street Flashback

This picture of 42nd Street, circa 1910-1920(ish) (I think) covers the back wall of the Commerce Bank on the corner of 42nd & Madison. Hey, I can see my office! Seriously!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

In The Cookie Aisle

Walgreens, Upper East Side, Wednesday 7pm

I'm poking around the soft drinks section, looking for Diet Coke with Splenda, on the advice of my coworkers who swear by it. It doesn't seem to be on sale in any of the midtown delis, so I haven't had a chance to try it.

I'm studying the stupid number of different Diet Cokes on sale: Diet Coke, Diet Coke w/Lime. Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, Diet Coke w/Vanilla, Cherry Diet Coke, Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke, Diet Vanilla Cherry Cocaine Angeldust....ARGH! Where is the mofo Splenda?

There's a short black woman in the cookie aisle. She's walking a pudgy little white boy by both hands as he coos and points at the cookies. Here in the heart of Nanny Nation, the mothers are far too busy making partner to take their babies to Walgreens. The nanny is being very gentle and patient and is using the pictures on the cookie boxes to teach the boy colors.

"Jess! Dass'a red cooh-kie!" she says approvingly in broad patois as the boy points to a box.

"Bello!"

"Berry guhd! Dass'a yellow cooh-kie!" The boy shrieks in delight at being right. His vocabulary seems limited to colors and shrieking.

"Boo!"

"Jess, bebbie. Dass'a blue cooh-kie!"

I'm thinking, "What kind of cookie is blue?"

The nanny bends down to put her face level with the toddler. "Does you want a cooh-kie right now?"

"DAMN RIGHT!"

This kid will make partner before his mother does.
.

Open Thread Thursday


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

David And Davido

Orlando, Labor Day 1979

Just a month shy of my 20th birthday, I was already old news at the Parliament House. After all, I'd been a regular there for over three years. You only really can maintain "new meat" status for about three months, six months, tops...no matter how young or pretty you are. After six months, you've had those that you wanted (and could get), and the ones that you couldn't get, you've dismissed as attitudinal bitches.

So by Labor Day 1979, I no longer turned the wagging heads when I strode into the piano lounge by the front door of the Parliament complex. I'd pause in the entrance, all hairspray and false bravado, but I'd merely get a flicker of recognition from the vultures perched along the walls, a nanosecond of appraisal and dismissal, before their attention returned to the door.

Pickens was slim in the Orlando gay bars back in them days. Tourists and businessmen were typically pounced upon before they got halfway to the bottom of their first Barcardi and Coke. (These were the pre-Everybody-Drinks-Vodka days.) "What's your sign?" Yes, people really opened with "What's your sign?" And sometimes, even if they thought you were very hot, the wrong answer would send them away. "Scorpio? Oh honey, Scorpios do nothing but break my heart. Bye."

That Labor Day Monday, I think I had decided to hit the Parliament House less in expectation of finding sex and more in expectation of finding drunkenness. Mondays were ten cent drink night. Seriously. Ten cents. And even in 1979 that was very cheap, because a regular cocktail was like....$1.25. Bud in the can was $.95, on which I would tip an outrageous 55 cents. Ten cent drinks could make a slow Monday night in a mostly-empty Southern gay bar very amusing.

It wasn't very smart of me to be out on the roads that Monday night. Hurricane David, the first male-named hurricane to threaten the United States, was forecast to come crashing ashore that evening, somewhere along the mid-Florida coast. And the first day of my sophomore fall semester at FTU (later to become UCF), was the next morning. But once my boss at Red Lobster realized that our customers were all busy at home nailing plywood over their windows, he closed us down and sent us home. I think I sat on my couch for ten minutes before I picked up my round brush and my blow-dryer and started getting ready for the Parliament House.

On the way there, the wind tossed me about quite a bit as I slalommed down Colonial Drive, as the outer bands of David were already bumping across Central Florida. The air-conditioner on my '73 LeMans had crapped out, so at every red light I wiped the inside of my fogged-over windshield with the cuff of my sleeve. (Why yes, I wore dress shirts to the gay bar. You probably did too, mostly, if you were cruising the bars back then. T-shirts and (gasp!) tank tops were strictly relegated to poolside events and t-dance.) I turned onto South Orange Blossom Trail and into the Parliament parking lot, where a scant dozen cars were in evidence. I waited for the rain to die down (my hair!) and thought about Davido.

Davido, Parliament's piano player, on whom I had a terrible puppy dog crush, always worked on Mondays. He'd sing Crystal Gayle's Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue while staring directly at me, causing others in the bar to turn and look. It always gave me strangely queasy feeling, standing there trying to not throw wood while my first grown-up man-crush sang to me. Davido looked very much like Freddie Mercury, probably on purpose, only without the overbite. He was about 30, far too old for me to do anything about, other than fantasize, or at least that's what I told myself. And oh, but didn't he know the effect he had on me, little did I realize it then, of course.

Taking a chance on a brief lull in the rain, I dashed across the lot to the covered walkways of the motel area and walked up to the front door of the nightclub complex. The door was unmanned. No cover charge. The piano bar is right inside the front door, next to the long mirrored hallway with the underlit floor panels that leads to the disco. Davido was standing outside, smoking and talking with an enormously fat black drag queen named Heavy Duty. I gave Davido a sheepish smile as I squeezed past them. He nodded back and said, "Hey! I was wondering if you were coming!" I nearly fainted. He was wondering...about me?

"Oh! Ha ha. Am I late? Ha ha ha ha." Lame, lame, lame.

Davido smiled and I ducked my lame self around Heavy Duty and into the piano lounge. The usual cock sentries snapped their necks around to give me a rake, then turned back to their eviscerations of whatever Broadway cast album had come out that week. I found a couple of my friends at the end of the bar and made small talk over my first vodka/sprite (see? ahead of my time!), but my mind was still out in the hallway with Davido, spinning dirty and excited fantasies over his comment.

The bartender unceremoniously yanked out the jukebox plug in the middle of No One Gets The Prize and Diana Ross' voice slid slowly into Barry White's range before the speakers went dead. That was Davido's cue to start his set, apparently, but he detoured on his way to the piano to slide a hand around the back of my head and pull my ear to his mouth.

"I know you're with your friends, but don't disappear," he growled.

"OK!" I said way too quickly, staring at his black forest of chest hair, slightly wet with rain beneath several gold medallions.

"Cool," Davido said. "There something I want to give you."

To be continued.....
.

Cuomo Wins, Maloney Shows

As expected, openly gay NY Attorney General candidate Sean Patrick Maloney finished third in yesterday's primary, as Andrew Cuomo easily steamrollered over Maloney and Mark Green. Cuomo is (not incidentally), the son of former NY Governor Mario Cuomo, as again, name recognition trumps all among the feeble-minded electorate. (By the way, Cuomo presently supports gay marriage, although he has not in the recent past.) I met Mark Green a couple of times during the campaign and especially appreciated his appearance at the Iran vigil, so I'm disappointed that neither Green nor Maloney did well against Cuomo. Still, Maloney impressed the party's star-making machine, so keep your eye on him, there's definitely more to come.

Morning View - Airport Express

My first view as I emerge from the subway in the morning is the bus stop for the express airport buses from Grand Central. The fare to JFK is $15, versus $60+ in a cab, and the bus is just as fast.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Full House: 3 Queens & A Pair Of Bears

The murky legality of the online gambling industry in the U.S., what with the feds arresting industry corporate honchos at airports, has not dissuaded ParadisePoker.com from taking this huge honking billboard at One Times Square.

Similarly unfazed are the people behind ComeOutPoker.com, "the world's first online poker site catering exclusively to the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender (GLBT) community", which launched today. While I cannot imagine what could be intrinsically gay about sitting in your underwear wasting money that could spent on precious porn, I confess I did get a chuckle from the Come Out Poker press release, which notes that in their poker room, straights are no good.
.

The Go-To Guy

2PM

I'm walking past our conference room where one of the sales teams is having a meeting. Somebody inside says, "We should just ask Joe. He's gay, he's got to know." I swivel smoothly on one foot and stick my head inside the room. "The answer is yes, it does hurt. But only at first. Usually."

I'm the go-to guy around here. There have been no requests for clarification.
.

Bringing Sexy Back?

Oh, it's broughten.
.

Monday, September 11, 2006

New York City Survives, Thrives

As a lovely counterpoint to the grim post below this one, yesterday I attended the annual Broadway On Broadway, a free concert in Times Square featuring the casts of current and upcoming Broadway shows, where host Martin Short and 50,000 theatre fans showed the world that New York City still gloriously, exhuberantly, spectacularly, survive and thrives.

The Farmboyz, David and I enjoyed two hours of great performances from the casts of Spamalot, The Producers, Hairspray, Grey Gardens, The Drowsy Chaperone and many others. In the final number, Martin Short and the cast of his hit show, Fame Becomes Me, brought down Times Square with the fittingly titled, Stop The Show, featuring the amazing Capathia Jenkins, who sang, "If your plot’s running thin, and the ticket sales are slow, let a big black lady stop the show." And then she proceeded to do just that. We particularly liked the line of the song in which she asks, "Why is it when I sing on Broadway, even gospel, R&B or blues, all the songs are written by gay white Jews?" (Stop The Show was written by Tony-winning gay white Jews Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman.)

Martin Short brought all of Broadway back on the stage for an encore (pictured above), which of course, was New York, New York. Standing in Times Square on a perfect afternoon, watching those great performers belt out the city's anthem as several tons of confetti fell on our heads, the 50,000 0f us, impossibly, fell in love with New York City just a little bit more.

That Day

Manhattan, September 11th, 2001

That day, I got to my office on 42nd Street at about 8:55am. About ten minutes later, I got a call from Terrence in Orlando.

"Honey, you should look out your window because a plane just hit the World Trade Center!"

I have a fabulous view of the Chrysler Building from my office, but to see the World Trade Center, I had to go downstairs and walk over to Fifth Avenue. There was already a crowd on every corner, shielding their eyes against the morning sun. All we could see was a plume of smoke. Just as I got back into my office, the word spread that a second plane had struck.

A few minutes later, someone reported that the subways had stopped running and it only took about another 15 minutes before office decorum began to dissolve. Davita, our normally stoic sales manager, began sobbing, worrying about getting home to her daughter in Brooklyn. Some of our staffers nervously took post at our windows overlooking Grand Central Terminal, watching the sky over the Chrysler Building, one block away. We all tried calling our families but got nothing but busy signals.

Our CEO called us into the conference room at 10am and announced, "It appears that the United States is under attack. I'm suggesting that we all try to make our way to our homes at once. Please call the office tomorrow before you come in, to see what our situation is." His voice was overloud, his nerves overcoming his normally lilting Liverpool accent.

A moment later someone with a radio announced, "One of the towers just collapsed." That sent the office scrambling for the door. A few minutes later, I was on the street. I headed towards my apartment on 22nd Street in Chelsea and had just turned south onto Sixth Avenue when the second tower collapsed. I watched the top half of the building slide from view. Everybody stopped walking and stood in silent horror. From our distance, there was no noise.

As I continued walking, I began to pass people in varying states of distress. Lines began to form in front of payphones as cellphones were now useless. Taking a cue from Hurricane Andrew, I decided to stop at an ATM and get all the cash I could, remembering that it was weeks before the machines were restocked in South Florida. Lots of people had the same idea, there were long lines at every ATM that I passed. I was almost home before I finally found a deli with an unnoticed ATM in the back.

I pulled $300 from the ATM and headed up front with my cash, where I heard a couple of guys telling the clerk that they were going to head downtown and offer their help to the firemen. That hadn't occured to me and it seemed like a good idea just then. Then a woman rushed in looking for bottled water, saying that she'd heard that the water supply was being turned off because it had been poisoned. That seemed quite possible, in the context of the day, so I followed her to the back of the store and picked up 4 gallons of water. I added a disposable camera to my purchase and struggled out. Once home, I changed into my heaviest jeans and my workboots. Our cable was out, the radio stations were out, so without much information I headed downtown.

There were crowds of people on most corners, staring southward. Anybody with a transistor radio drew an immediate crowd. The only stations on the air were those with towers in New Jersey. I got as far as Canal Street when I first encountered a police road block. They seemed to be stopping vehicles only, but when I tried to walk past the cops, they turned me back, saying "Residents only." I guess I didn't look like someone who might live in Chinatown.

Above: Every corner offered a fresh perspective on the horror.Above: I veered east on Canal and a few blocks away I found many thousands of people walking home to Brooklyn across the Manhattan Bridge.Above: People were in a trance. There was little talking, just an occasional glance back at the smoke plume.Above: I walked out onto the upper part of the bridge and took this picture, above.Above: When I headed back south, along the edges of the financial district, I found many people wearing facemasks. I still have no idea where these thousands of masks came from, but when I came across one lying on the ground, I put it on.Above: The first physical evidence of the attack that I found was this heavy dusting. Above: This abandoned fruit stand struck me as a sign of the terror that must have reigned just a couple of hours earlier, because the owner even left his cash box behind, lying open with money visible.

This cop wouldn't let me go past his corner, but he did tell me that he heard that volunteers were being advised at the Ferry Building. He didn't seem very convincing, I think he just wanted me to go away.

A few feet away, a female cop started screaming at some people who'd arrived with cameras. She shouted, "You're horrible ghouls! This is a terrible disaster and you fucking want souvenirs!" I shoved my camera deeper into my pocket. One of the guys shouted back at her, "This is history, lady! Terrible, terrible history! People need to know what we are seeing!"

Above: This is John Street, looking west. Those spots on the picture are tiny pieces of paper, raining down from some damaged skyscraper.Above: Just around the corner, I was only 100 feet up the block when a gust of wind brought thick smoke down on top of me, just as I was taking this picture. The darkness of the smoke prevented the camera from showing that this shoe was just one of dozens lying in the street, where people had run right out of their shoes in the panic. I was very glad to have my facemask right then.

Taking this photo of the Stock Exchange almost got me sent to Leavenworth. As I learned a moment later, taking pictures of financial institutions during national emergencies can be considered an act of treason, because you might be providing proof to the enemy of what they did or did not accomplish. While the news reporter standing next to me vehemently argued his case, I slipped away.

From here, I walked south to the Ferry Building, where as I suspected, there was no gathering of volunteers, just some dazed looking ferry employees and some passengers hoping for service to Staten Island. This is when I decided to give up on volunteering that day, there was just nobody around to report to. Nobody seemed in charge of anything, except the lone cops in charge of guarding their portion of the disaster's perimeter. The route to the west side of Manhattan was blocked from the Ferry Building, so I doubled back and circled the entire financial district, counter-clockwise, until I got to Battery Park City, intending to walk home up the West Side Highway.

I joined a ragtag group of office workers, perhaps a dozen or so, who'd just braved coming out of their buildings, and we walked on the sidewalk along the Hudson. We'd just about gotten to Tribeca when a police SWAT team of sorts appeared before us. One of them barked at us through his megaphone, which was a bit funny because he was only about ten feet away.

"You may not proceed in this direction. You may not return the way you came. You must all now join a mandatory evacuation of this area."

OK, fine. But if we can't go forward and we can't go back, what do we do?

"This tugboat is waiting to deliver you safely to Jersey City."

TUGBOAT? And indeed, moored there was a tugboat, one of those pushing things that steer the cruise ships into the harbor. The cops MADE us get on the tugboat. We protested, of course.

"This is for your own safety. We cannot allow you people to be wandering around this area. Once safely on the Jersey City side, you can re-enter Manhattan via the PATH train to the 33rd Street Station."

The tugboat crew had to lift us down onto the boat, there was no real dock there. And in my group of evacuees was a dog walker, who had about 8 tiny dogs on leashes. Once on the tugboat, it was noticed that the deck of the boat, which was an open-grill of sorts, was too wide for the little dogs' feet. So we were each handed one of the dogs to hold while we crossed the Hudson. I got the pug. This is the view as we pushed back from the west side of Manhattan.
We were only about halfway across, when another building collapsed. I never figured out which one it was, but you can tell it was just north of the Twin Towers. On the Jersey City side, we were met by eager emergency workers who seemed genuinely disappointed that we had no injuries. A young girl gave me a wet towel to wipe my face and I was surprised to see the towel turn black after just one pass across my forehead. I walked through a big crowd of EMT's all set up with no one to treat. They were just sitting in chairs, watching the smoke rise from downtown Manhattan.

I heard one of the tugboat people ask about the PATH train, and she was told "Oh, no. There will be no trains to Manhattan for at least 72 hours, by order of the Port Authority. The bridges and tunnels are closed too. You folks are going to have to make do over here for a few days."

I was furious. The cops on the Manhattan side had lied to us to get us onto the tugboat. I argued with a couple of the cops, telling them with great indignation of how we'd been deceived. One of them looked at me and said, "Buddy, if you want me to feel sorry for you, you need to turn around and look back at what you just left."

That shut me up.

A moment later, I had another attack of anger, this time at myself. I'd forgotten to take the $300 cash out of my work pants. I was in Jersey City, by myself, and in my pockets I had a disposable camera, an expired California driver's license and $6. I have no idea where the $6 came from. It could have been there since before I moved to NYC.

Trying to quell panic, I walked away from the pier towards downtown Jersey City, towards the PATH train station. I passed a young man sitting on a bike, studying the scene across the Hudson. Even in my very upset state of mind, I noted that he was very handsome.

"Joe! Is that you?"

I turned around. The guy on the bike was from San Francisco! He and I had fucked around once shortly after I got to SF, and from then on I'd seen him out at the clubs every so often. My sprits lifted, maybe he could put me up for three days?

"Hi Ricky! What are you doing in New York?"

"Actually, I live here in Jersey City. I'm going to school here now. Been here for about a year. What a day, huh? Oh, here comes my boyfriend."

And up walked a Port Authority cop. I couldn't believe my luck. I quickly explained my situation to them. The cop looked me up and down, then said, "Well, you can understand why they lied to you over on that side. You must have been in a dangerous area. And we've been told there will be no trains, tunnels or bridges open for at least 72 hours. But...."

But?

"There is going to be one more inbound train to Manhattan, in about 20 minutes. The train's gonna be all fire-rescue and search units from various Jersey locations. You could probably walk right onto that train and no one would stop you. You could pass for fire-rescue. Just don't talk to anybody. They're all from different units so they don't know each other anyway."

A few minutes later, Ricky's boyfriend, the Port Authority cop, walked me past the other cops and through the yellow tape blocking the PATH station entrance. We shook hands at the top of the escalator and I headed down. At the bottom of the escalator, I nearly gave myself away by instinctively heading for the fare machine, my $6 in my hand. Then I saw a fireman jump the turnstyle and I whirled around and did the same.

The train left almost the moment I got on. I made it by 20 seconds, tops. Nobody spoke on the ride over. Not one word. I sat at the far end of the car and tried not to meet anybody's eyes, even though it was too late to throw me off.

When we reached the 33rd Street station in Manhattan, I walked upstairs to find the streets completely deserted of cars and buses. I have no idea where all those vehicles went, but this picture of Seventh Avenue, looking north, is the proof. That's the west entrance of Macy's on the right.

I walked home for the second time, that day.

.