Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What's That On My Sheets?

It sure ain't Santorum!!!

CBS News just called it. Santorum has lost.

(Begins happy dance.)


I think I may just make myself sick from worrying about this damn election. I can't remember when I have stressed and plotzed like this. It sure ain't helping my aching back, that's for sure. And on THAT topic, a little note to the Duane Reade drugstore at 72nd & 1st: Why, oh WHY do you stock the back pain relief medications on the BOTTOM shelf, 2 inches off the floor? Do you think that's funny? I mean, I guess it IS funny, kinda...but not when it's MY back. Machts nichts anyhow, since the doc came through for me. And since I can't drink tonight, maybe I'll just treat myself to one muscle relaxer per Senate seat won by the Dems. By the end, I'll be like Molly Ringwald's sister at her wedding in Sixteen Candles. I hope.

UPDATE: Citing widespread voter suppression incidents today, MoveOn.org is offering $250,000 reward for information leading to the conviction of those involved in an "organized effort of partisan voter suppression or electronic voting fraud." Here we go.

Joel Seah

While in Maine last month, I met artist Joel Seah, part of whose work Yankee Queer (above) recasts the images and messages sent to him by men on Manhunt.net. Seah's man-moths, complete with lurid species names directly taken from their emails to him (Partyan Dplay, Whiteon Lyplease), are fascinating. Joel is an Assistant Professor of Art, Printmaking and Drawing at the University of Southern Maine. Joel says about Maine, "In a place where the iconoclastic straight men from the gay erotic canon are naturally positioned - the woodsman, the hunter, the outdoorsman, the sailor, the fisherman - language is occupied to portray both fantasies and realities." I found Joel's work beautiful and haunting. I expect we'll be hearing more from Joel Seah.

Marlin Beach Pool Bar

After seeing last week's post about the late Marlin Beach Hotel, a reader sent me this scan of one of the hotel's postcards, circa 1960's, before the place turned gay. (Embiggen makey pretty.) You can see the windows into the pool that I mentioned. The text on the back of the postcard reads: "The Marlin Beach Hotel - This is an actual picture of two of the underwater ballerinas, as seen through the windows of the famous Jules Verne Room, one of Florida's unique attractions." In 1990, a fire in the bar caused the pool windows to melt, ruining the disco, which never reopened. I forgot to mention in the previous post that the Marlin closed t-dance every day with Connie Francis' Where The Boys Are. Thanks for the email, Richard!

Polling Station

This morning I voted for the third year in a row at the Jewish senior center on the end of my block. As usual, the place was a confusing madhouse of directional signs and vigorously waving old ladies. They get quite anxious if you slow the process or walk aimlessly once you get your booth assignment.

"This way! This way! There are people behind you!"

I love the old ladies that work my polling station. Half of them are timid, flustered little birds who seem ready to collapse from nervousness. The other half are loud-mouthed, brazen, old biddies with whiskey-soaked voices who probably used to be drill sargents. Those are the ones I love the most. One of them saw me hesitate at the entrance.

"Sweetheart, don't block da doe-ah," she barked. She was wearing a rhinestone American flag pin and about two feet of shellacked platinum hair. She took my elbow and guided/pulled me to the proper booth. Sixty seconds later I was almost out the door when she spotted another hestitant voter, wavering, trying to figure out where to turn.

"Sweetheart, don't block da doe-ah!"

There aren't many old men among the volunteers at the senior center where I vote. I suppose the old ladies have outlived most of them. Be nice to your polling station volunteers today. And thank them.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kodos

From last night's Simpsons episode, Treehouse Of Horror, 2006. Another typically Simpsonian dig on the Bush regime.

Midday View - Grace Building

I got this shot last week on my lunch hour, which I occasionally spend in Bryant Park across from this, the W.R. Grace Building on 42nd Street. Designed by Gordon Bunshaft, the 50-story Grace is a virtual double of the Solow Building on 57th Street, another Bunshaft creation. It may be a bit difficult to detect at this front-on angle, but the defining characteristic of both buildings are their lovely sloping fronts. I've always wondered if one could step out of one of the upper windows and slide down the front. Built in '71, the Grace is one of the few "newer" buildings in Midtown that I really admire.

HomoQuotable - Betty Bowers

"If Haggard's unblinking congregation could sit and listen to such a liturgical Liberace week after week and not realize they were in the presence of someone who makes Barry Manilow in a full-length mink look butch, they really need to recalibrate their ability to detect prescription-strength doses of flamboyance." - Betty Bowers, "America's Best Christian". Read the rest of Betty's hilarious piece.

Tweaker Ted's Monday

9:00 AM - Reads New Testament. Focuses on parts about redemption. Tries not to think about sweaty mansex.

9:15 AM - Does huge bump of tina. Alphabetizes CD collection . Allen (Peter), Almond (Marc), Aviance (Kevin).....

10:00 AM - Tries not to think about hot sweaty mansex. Fails. Masturbates.

10:05 AM - Does huge bump of tina. Reverse alphabetizes CD collection. Young (Will), Wainwright (Rufus), Tourette (Pussy).....

10:45 AM - Masturbates. Thinks about hot sweaty mansex. Especially hot sweaty mansex with muscle daddy hooker Mike Jones and his sweet, sweet can.

11:00 AM - Back to the Bible. Focuses on part about judging. Laughs and laughs and laughs.

11:30 AM - Does huge bump of tina. Decides to clean garage. Alphabetizes tools. Allen wrench. Bolt cutters. Remembers Allen. Met him at The Bolt. Hot man. Does huge bump of tina.

1:00 PM - Decides to compose another letter to congregation. Writes down keywords: repulsive, deception, hot sweaty mansex. Throws out letter. Does huge bump of tina. Masturbates.

2:30 PM - Switches on TV. CNN, scandal. Fox News, scandal. Ooh! Steel Magnolias! Does huge bump of tina.

4:00 PM - Wife gets home from lawyers, locks herself in bedroom. Pleads at the door for forgiveness. Gets none. Does huge bump of tina.

5:00 PM - Wife packs bags and leaves with kids. Church officials won't return calls. Congregants won't return calls. Relatives won't return calls. Friends won't return calls. Tricks won't return calls. Hookers won't return calls.

6:00 PM - Does huge bump of tina.

Senate Too Close To Call

According to today's NYTimes graphic, tomorrow's election is still impossible to call, regarding the possible return of the Senate to Democratic control. The House of Representatives appears to be securely moving to the Democratic side. Visit the Times site for a neat navigable-by-state assessment of all the races.

Comment Moderation

I've had to put comment moderation on, for the moment, as I'm getting slammed with a couple of hundred spam comments a day for the last few days. Their number has been steadily increasing for the last few weeks. I can't figure out their purpose, as all of the multiple links in each spam comment appear to be nonworking. Additionally, they seem to all hit posts that are at least several days old. I HATE COMMENT MODERATION. It stifles the lively conversations that are the hallmark of JMG. If I can't figure out a way to stop them, we may just have to live with the spam and I'll delete them as I can. My apologies.

UPDATE: New comments filter switched on. Please advise if your comments are not getting through.

UPDATE II: Not a single spam comment got through all day. Go Haloscan Beta!

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Bah. Nothing like an entire weekend spent curled into a fetal position. I threw my back out at noon on Saturday while leaning across my desk to clean my computer screen. I never wreck my back doing normal back-wrecking things like moving furniture. No, I throw my back out by kicking my neighbor's Sunday Times out of the way on the front stoop, or by picking up a cat. Or by wiping off my computer screen. Thank Jeebus for delivery or I'd have starved this weekend, I can't even put on shoes. I repeat, bah.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Blowoff At CMJ

It's CMJ time again in Manhattan, and last night our crew gathered at Fat Baby on the Lower East Side for a DJ showcase featuring Blowoff (pictured with me, above) and MSTRKRFT. Standout tracks for the evening were two new Rich Morel productions: Pursue (Morel Pink Noise Mix) - I Like It Electric, and Love Story - Madelin Zero + Morel. Look for Love Story to be huge. (I met Madelin Zero on the dancefloor and gushed embarrassingly. She's from Orlando!) Next week we'll all be down in DC for the monthly Blowoff party at 9:30 Club. Yay, dancing!

Friday, November 03, 2006

A Flaming Flare From Arizona

From everybody's favorite gay archaeologist, comes a request that we put in a call or thirty to the anti-gay marriage hotline set up by a group called Protect Marriage Arizona. You've all got a phone sitting right there on your desk or under your left asscheek. Pick it up, dial, and voice your opposition. It's a free call, for YOU. Give the perky young woman at the hotline a call. Get to know her. Be real sweet.


Mike Jones - Man Of Steel (Balls)

My hat is off to Mike Jones, but I worry for his future in Colorado, with so many of the Zombie Army Of God likely plotting his demise in something other than the traditional fiery pit of hell. I can only imagine the volume of death threats that must be pouring in. (photo via Towleroad.)

RELATED: Watch Haggard admit hiring Jones (to get a massage) and buying meth from him (to throw it away.) Haggard claims he was "referred" to Jones' massage services by a Denver hotel, but now he can't remember which hotel.

UPDATE: The Advocate interviews Mike Jones.


My buddy Jerry and I hung out backstage with Meat Loaf after last night's show at Times Square's Palace Theatre. He's a very nice guy, charming in person, but almost three hours of one crashing, overwrought Jim Steinman ballad/epic after another was not my cup of tea. That didn't stop the sold-out venue (average age around 60) from going apeshit, most notably the entire front row, comprised of 20 flannel-clad, mulleted, gym teacher-esque stone butch dykes in their late 50's who watched 80% of the show on their 2" digicam LCDs, as they each slavishly recorded every moment (when they weren't head-banging and throwing up devil horns). Who knew? Easily the most bizarre disconnect between image and behavior I've seen this year.

Like everybody else, I bought Bat Out Of Hell thirty years ago, I think it was required by law. And it was sweet to have the show kick off with Paradise By The Dashboard Light, complete with a taped Phil Rizzuto. But despite a 25 piece band backing him, including a 16 girl string section, the show quickly blurred into one long series of eternal indulgent guitar riffs and explosive crescendos that abruptly dropped into whispers, as the Steinman oeuvre demands. From our "music biz" section on the lip of the mezzanine, I could see several oversized-type lyrics sheets taped to the floor near the footlights, which didn't stop Meat from forgetting the words to Objects In The Rear View Mirror. An interesting night, but not one I'm likely to repeat. And tickets on the main floor started at $250, FYI. I can't imagine what all those daggers paid to be in the front row, but it looked like they had the time of their lives. Me, not so such.


When the Foley scandal broke, Fox News was identifying him as a Democrat. So how long before Fox starts referring to Haggard as a Muslim?

UPDATE: My boss is peeved that I didn't credit him with suggesting this post. Oops.

Speed Dialing

Tom Brokaw interviewed Ted Haggard in 2005:

Ted Haggard: I’m not a power broker. I don’t call presidents. I don’t harangue the White House.

Tom Brokaw: You don’t have to call him. He calls you.

Haggard: I’ll be talking to the White House in another three and a half hours.

Brokaw: About what today?

Haggard: I don’t know the subject today. We have a regularly scheduled conference call.

Brokaw: They reach out to you?

Haggard: Yes.

Brokaw: What have you discussed on previous calls?

Haggard: The fight for the souls of American youth, protecting the pre-born, and that sweet sweet rush from sucking back a big hit of meth while your man-hooker's tongue is in your ass.

HomoQuotable - Ted Haggard

"Hi Mike, this is Art. Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply. And I could pick it up really anytime I could get it tomorrow or we could wait till next week sometime and so I also wanted to get your address." - Disgraced right-wing evangelical Ted Arthur Haggard, asking his male prostitute to procure crystal meth for their next tryst, according to voicemails verified by an expert. (via- DailyKos)

UPDATE: Listen to another voicemail from "Art".

UPDATE II: Haggard admits to hiring Jones (for a massage) and buying meth (to throw it away).

Thursday, November 02, 2006


You know that your sack action has seriously declined when you find yourself standing in the local gay sundries retailer, staring at a giant display, and realizing that you no longer know which brand of lube you usually buy. Tragic. At least I still know which beer I drink.

Speaking In Tina Tongues

Ted Haggard, the virulently anti-gay head of the National Association of Evangelicals was outed today by a Denver television station after it aired an interview with a male prostitute who claims that Haggard has been patronizing him for three years and had used crystal meth during their sessions. Watch the interview here. (via - AmericaBlog.) Haggard, married with five kids, is one of the nastiest anti-gay xtians out there. He is also apparently the poster boy for gayface.

Foley, Craig, Crist, Mehlman and now Haggard. Xmas has truly come early this year! Who's next? Somebody has got to have something on Karl Rove out there.

UPDATE: Focus On The Family's James Dobson (based in Colorado Springs like Haggard) has come out swinging in a press release, lambasting the MSM for covering the Haggard expose': "It is unconscionable that the legitimate news media would report a rumor like this based on nothing but one man's accusation. Ted Haggard is a friend of mine and it appears someone is trying to damage his reputation as a way of influencing the outcome of Tuesday's election -- especially the vote on Colorado's marriage-protection amendment -- which Ted strongly supports. "

You can tell FOTF where to stuff it at CultureIssues@family.org. Or just call their press agent Gary Shneeburger directly: 719-548-5853.

UPDATE II: In under one day, over 2500 blogs have picked up the Haggard story. Go us!

UPDATE III: The hooker claims to have a letter, emails, and voicemails from Ted Haggard and plans to play the voicemails on Denver radio tomorrow afternoon. As always, you can come back here to JMG and I'll have posted an MP3 of the voicemails for your chortling pleasure.


Marlin Beach Hotel

Today's gay history lesson: Fort Lauderdale's Marlin Beach Hotel, the place that caused so many men to move to Fort Lauderdale in the 70's and 80's. Busy in the winter, but not so much in the summer, the Marlin's famous t-dances on its Poop Deck packed the boys in every day during the 6 weeks of spring break. It's where I met my first serious man-crush, in 1978. It's where I met Sylvester, in the elevator. It's where I embarrassed myself terribly on my first visit, by swimming to the bottom of the pool at night to investigate the strange flashing lights. Only later that evening did I find out that the lights were shining through the windows of a disco under the pool, and that I'd been cracking everybody up down there with my puzzled, puffed-out cheeks investigation.

The Marlin Beach fell into disrepair and disrepute in the late 80's when South Beach became popular, drawing most of the beach crowd 30 miles south. After a few years operating as a defacto hustler joint, the hotel closed in '92, later torn down and replaced with a massive Marriott Hotel tower atop a multi-floor open-air retail arcade. Here's what it looks like today, third picture down.

I miss the Marlin. It was an amazing place. Entertainers I saw there include DJ Robbie Leslie, Dana Manchester, Viola Wills, Sharon Redd, Karen Young, Pamely Stanley, Two Tons Of Fun, Sylvester, Paul Parker and many more. And oh yes, once or twice I rather enjoyed that long subterranean tunnel that led from the basement disco, under the highway, and up to the beach. For at least ten years, my favorite t-shirt in the world, worn almost weekly, was the image depicted on the right in the top photo. My favorite part of wearing that shirt was pointing out that you could see the reflection of a shirtless man in the guy's sunglasses.

Open Thread Thursday

How Do You Identify?
Gay Man
Bisexual Man
Bisexual Woman
Straight Man
Straight Woman


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Where's The Beef?

The beef, gentle readers, will be hoofing down Avenue A to Big Lug tonight for DJs Paul & Damian's 80's & electro party. See y'all there. And please folks, ease off on the promo requests. I usually only mention events here if a) I am going to be there, and/or b) it's being run by meatspace friends. Tonight, I'm requesting Love Is A Battlefield, so I can do that Disgruntled Ho dance.

The Gays Always Know

Cafe Metro, Madison & 42nd, 8:45am

(In line in front of me at the omelet station.)

Girl 1: I never know what to wear out anymore. Everything changes so fast. I'm so behind on what's cool.
Girl 2: I know, right? I totally almost put on a poncho the other day. It's like you can't even trust what they wear on Last Night's Party!
Girl 1: I just need to get me a good gay boyfriend. The gays always know.
Girl 2: Well, you've got Andrew.
Girl 1: Andrew's not gay.
Girl 2: .....
Girl 1: You're joking. Andrew?
Girl 2: .....
Girl 1: I must be living on another planet. I had no clue!
Girl 2: On the plus side, now you know he really DOES like your hair like this.
Girl 1: What? And you don't?
Girl 2: .......

blogACTIVE Ken Mehlman Parody Ad

Mike Rogers of blogACTIVE and Proud Of Who We Are has released an ad parodying the race-baiting ad used by the Republican National Committee in Tennessee's senatorial race, in which racist miscegenation messages were played up when a white woman blows a kiss into the camera and suggest that the black Democratic candidate "call me." In this blogACTIVE spot, Rogers turns the tables and plays RNC Chairman Ken Self-Hating Homosexual Mehlman at his own gayme, as a young fey man suggests that Mehlman call him.

Seven Shot In Castro

Seven people were shot during last night's annual massive Halloween celebration in San Francisco's Castro district. Police also reported a stabbing and a sexual assault. For years, local gay activists and merchants have been complaining about the "unofficial" event in the Castro, as it brings up to 500,000 mostly-straight people into the gayborhood, some of whom are aggressive and violent. When I lived in SF, there were some scary incidents that caused most of my friends to refuse to go anywhere near the Castro on Halloween night. Last week the Bay Area Reporter called the Halloween party the most controversial issue in the city's supervisors race. It's a shame that gay people can't/won't even go into their own neighborhood on such a festive night as Halloween, but obviously the Castro event is now over.