Completely Heterosexual Ted Haggard To Swap Wives Instead Of Male Hookers

Ted Haggard is going to trade spouses and small plastic baggies with Gary Busey for the upcoming season of Celebrity Wife Swap. Haggard has been "regrowing his ministry" after his hilarious 2006 downfall as the nation's most prominent televangelist.

Gayle Haggard Explains It All

Gayle Haggard explains why she is confident that her husband is now completely heterosexual. She says that she does believe that homosexuality is a sin, but tap dances around the question as to whether she agrees with that pesky abomination thingy. But: "Honestly, I don't feel that the government should be in the marriage business. I feel as though the government should provide equality under the law and it should deal with civil unions. And in our communities of faith, we should give the definition of marriage."

Ted Haggard And Wife To Appear On Divorce Court To Talk About How They Aren't Divorcing

The Ted Haggard Shameless Publicity Tour rolls on.

Former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard and his wife are planning another TV appearance, this time to talk about their marriage. The two are in Los Angeles taping an appearance on the Universal Fox show "Divorce Court," to be broadcast nationally April 1. The show's presiding judge, Lynn Toler, is interviewing the couple about how their marriage survived after a male prostitute from Denver alleged a cash-for-sex relationship with Ted Haggard in November 2006, executive producer Mark Koberg said. The scandal prompted Haggard to resign as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church in Colorado Springs. The Haggards say their marriage and Christian faith are stronger than ever, and they want people to know that divorce is not the answer. "This is part of Ted's journey," Gayle Haggard said. "It's made him a better man. I see what has happened as a divine rescue." She said she was helped through her darkest hours by the biblical principles of forgiveness, compassion and steadfastness, along with her husband's genuine repentance. The couple will be paid an undisclosed amount for the interview.

What's next? Fucked Up Family Week on Wheel Of Fortune?

Haggards On Oprah

Ted Haggard and his wife Gayle appeared on Oprah yesterday and what a festival of nonsense and doubletalk it was. Haggard isn't straight, he isn't gay, he isn't bi, he's just "got issues". God made him this way, but God wants him to resist. Oh, and a monogamous heterosexual relationship is still the only way to go. For her part, Gayle trots out the old "desire vs. behavior" theme - if ol' Teddy is only thinking about mansex, not doing it, then he's straight. I'll have to say that Oprah called them on their bullshit at least twice.

Memo To Gayle Haggard: He's Just Not That Into You

Gayle Haggard will appear with her totally gay husband on Oprah today, where she says that she's known since the early days of their 30-year marriage that Ted had nasty thoughts about mansex. Gayle: "I felt it was the thing that could destroy Ted if he gave in to it. So I prayed for him and I felt as though he was winning the battle."

Yet she was shocked when the Mike Jones thingy happened. SHOCKED! Meanwhile she'd lived the typically lavish lifestyle of the wife of a wealthy evangelical. No sympathy here for Mrs. Haggard. She knew what she was getting into and as long as the big bucks kept rolling in, she was happy to roll around on giant piles of money sent in by the idiots her husband had terrified with his anti-gay sermons. Gayle, he's just not that into you. He never was. And you knew it. Drop the fucking victim act, nobody's buying it.