Snooki Is Ready To Perform Gay Weddings

Jersey Shore star Snooki today told her seven million Twitter followers that she's ordained to perform weddings and looks forward to officiating for her hairdressers. In other news, Snooki has seven million Twitter followers.

Jersey Shore Cancelled

Does this mean the world won't meet Snooki's baby?

TV's Highest Paid

TV Guide has posted a recap of who they say are the highest-paid performers on television this year. Judge Judy is by far the leader.

Drama (per episode)
Mark Harmon (NCIS): $500,000
Ellen Pompeo (Grey's Anatomy): $350,000
Kevin Bacon (The Following): $175,000
Lucy Liu (Elementary): $125,000
Stephen Amell (Arrow): $30,000

Comedy (per episode)
Ashton Kutcher (Two and a Half Men): $700,000
Kaley Cuoco (The Big Bang Theory): $300,000
Modern Family Adult Cast: $175,000 each
Lea Michele (Glee): $75,000
Crystal the Monkey (Animal Practice): $12,000

Late Night (per year)
David Letterman: $28 million
Jay Leno: $25 million
Jon Stewart: $16 million
Craig Ferguson: $8 million
Chelsea Handler: $8 million

Daytime/Syndication (per year)
Judy Sheindlin (Judge Judy): $45 million
Joe Brown (Judge Joe Brown): $20 million
Kelly Ripa (Live! With Kelly): $20 million
Sherri Shepherd (The View): $1.5 million
Mario Batali (The Chew): $6,000 per episode

Reality
Mariah Carey (American Idol): $17 million per season
Howard Stern (America's Got Talent): $15 million per season
Pauly DelVecchio (Jersey Shore): $175,000 per episode
Betty White (Off Their Rockers): $50,000 per episode
Landry Family (Swamp People): $25,000 per episode

News (per year)
Matt Lauer (Today): $21.5 million
Bill O'Reilly (The O'Reilly Factor): $15 million
Diane Sawyer (ABC World News): $12 million
Anderson Cooper (Anderson Cooper 360): $11 million
Robin Meade (HLN anchor): $750,000

Snooki Soda

What should the slogan be? Source.

Photo Of The Day - Snooki & Baby

Congratulations, it's a case! Source.

TRAILER: Jersey Shore Shark Attack

"Joey Fatone has just been eaten by a shark!"

Headline Of The Day

"Pregnant, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life."

Christie Loses The Guido Vote

Christie isn't actually running for anything, but if he was, Snooki would SO not be voting for him.

Abercrombie Disses Jersey Shore

In an amusing reverse-endorsement offer, yesterday Abercrombie & Fitch said they would pay the cast of Jersey Shore to stop wearing their brand on the show.

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's {The Situation] association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans," an Abercrombie & Fitch spokesperson said in a statement. "We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response."

Straights Gone Wild

What happens when gays gather to celebrate? Glitter, rainbows, and lots of skin. Which is repulsive and offensive. And what happens when straights gather to celebrate? Fistfights, property damage, and many many arrests.

Plenty of fights in Seaside Heights, N.J., have aired on MTV's "Jersey Shore," but none resulted in this many arrests. Police say they arrested 62 people at the town's boardwalk after fights broke out following a July 4 fireworks display. Police say some of the thousands of spectators lingered after the fireworks show. They say a series of fights broke out and continued until police ordered the boardwalk closed at 1 a.m. Tuesday. Seaside Heights Detective Steve Korman tells the Asbury Park Press that 39 people were arrested on disorderly persons offenses. Others were charged with assault, drug possession and interfering with law enforcement. Police say they're not sure what caused the fights.

This Party Took A Turn For The Douche

Audio totally way NSFW.

(Via - Dan Savage)

New Yorkers Have Lost Their Minds

You know how New Yorkers are famed for their snobbish disregard for popular culture? Yeah, not so much anymore if the reaction of the below audience to Jersey Shore's DJ Pauly D is to be believed. Manhattan's Terminal 5 was sold out at $35 a pop to "watch Pauly push buttons," says Eater, who calls the event a "truly historic low for nightlife."

(Via - Gothamist)

The Snooki Ball

As part of MTV's New Year's Eve celebration in Times Square, the network will lower Jersey Shore cast member Snooki in a giant hamster ball. The ball will drop (violently, some would hope) from the seventh floor balcony of MTV's studios.

Tweet Of The Day - Sen. John McCain

Way to keep your eye on the ball, Sen. McCain!

Canada's Version Of Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore's Vinny - It Gets Better

The cast of Jersey Shore is taking part in MTV's own campaign against bullying. And Dan Savage's brainchild continues to expand far beyond what he probably imagined.

Battle That Beat, Bro

The above is an excerpt from the new "book" by Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. Soon to be a New York Times bestseller. SRSLY.

Bristol Palin And The Situation Cast For Dancing With The Stars

This is NOT a joke. E Online reports that Bristol Palin and Jersey Shore's The Situation have been cast for the next season of Dancing With The Stars.

We can report to you exclusively that Sarah Palin's 19-year-old daughter Bristol Palin has been cast on the 11th season of DWTS, set to premiere Sept. 20, according to sources. As for the reports that David Hasselhoff, Audrina Patridge, The Situation and Brandy will also be part of the cast, here's the deal: All true, according to sources.

I was hoping for Antoine Dodson.

Jersey Shore Halloween

This year's hot costumes? I'm betting on Steven Slater and that super-annoying Progressive Insurance woman. The Walgreens on my block is already all Halloween. Boo.

McCain Tweets Snooki

Sen. John McCain tweeted Jersey Shore cast member Snooki this weekend. Because he's down with the Em Tee Vee generation!

In a preview for the second season of the almost Hallmark-like TV show, Snooki (who is coincidentally the same exact shade of orange as Ohio Rep. John Boehner) explained that she no longer uses tanning beds because "Obama put a 10% tax on tanning." Having just undergone a spray-on tan session she stirred up memories of 2008 by invoking the name of the president's past nemesis. "McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning, because he's pale and he would probably want to be tan," she said. Like a cobra with a Twitter account, McCain attacked. "u r right, I would never tax your tanning bed! Pres Obama's tax/spend policy is quite The Situation. but I do rec wearing sunscreen!" McCain tweeted. Then, just like Sarah Palin of days gone by, she quickly stood by her man. "Haha Yes!!" she tweeted.

Of course, the real reason that Snooki is dissing tanning beds is that she's been hired to promote a spray-on tanning lotion.