Cindy Jacobs: I Fed 3000 With Three Loaves Of Bread & Had Bread Left Over

OK, now she's just fucking with us, RIGHT?

God Has Personally Told Cindy Jacobs That There Will Be A Christian Third Party

Curiously, God had nothing to say about that awful dress.

God Wants You To Vote Republican

Because one day you'll be standing before Jeebus and have to account for your actions when he asks, "Why did you vote for a leader who's attempting to redefine my institution of marriage?" And if your answer is "because that leader was good on jobs and the economy," you are TOTALLY getting your ass sent to hell. Apparently Jeebus doesn't care too much whether you fed the poor or healed the sick. Blah, blah, BORING. What will get you ushered into Everlasting Glory, clearly, is spending your time on Earth with your Holy Boots on the necks of the heathens. Prai$e Hi$ Name! Vote GOP!

Quote Of The Day - Michele Bachmann

“We all need to consider that in God’s timing that he may have allowed us, as members of Congress, to be in the position that we’re in just for this specific issue right now. Everything that all of us have worked together and labored for over the years, all of it could be undermined with this one bill. President Obama realizes that. The radicals that are on the pro-abortion left, they realize that. They could win it all. And the unborn, and the vulnerable, the disabled and those at the end of life could lose it it all. That’s really where this battle will be won — on our knees in prayer and fasting. Remember: faith without works is dead. So we’re asking you to do all of it: pray, fast, believe, trust the Lord, but also act." - Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) calling on her constituents to pray and fast for the failure of the health care reform bill.

Operators Are Standing By

From their site: "Kathy Herrick of Macon anointed herself with the oil and God delivered her from 18 years of deep alcoholism!" Kathy may no longer get her drank on thanks to the Blood Of Jesus oil, but the site offers this disclaimer: "It is regular olive oil which represents the Holy Spirit and a special coloring to make it look red thus we call it "The Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil." There is no virtue or healing in this oil, it is a point-of-contact and an act-of-faith."

(Via Anthony Hecht @ Slog)

This Week In Religious Nuttery

- Saudi Arabia's Islamic Sharia court has ruled that satellite television operators that beam "immodest" programming during Ramadan are subject to to the death penalty. Sheikh Saleh al-Lohaidan: "What does the owner of these networks think, when he provides seduction, obscenity and vulgarity? Those calling for corrupt beliefs, certainly it's permissible to kill them."

- Some Hassidic Jews in Brooklyn's Williamsburg want the city to remove existing bike lanes and cancel plans to add more lanes because female bikers in "immodest" workout clothes are riding through their neighborhood. The complaining parties also claim that bike lanes are dangerous to pedestrians. "Everyone understands and knows a bike lane is a nuisance."

- Islamic radicals have threatened to send suicide bombers to a planned Paul McCartney concert in Israel. "Instead of supporting the people of Palestine in their suffering, McCartney is celebrating the atrocities of the occupiers. The one who is under occupation is supposed to be getting the help."