Main | Monday, October 19, 2009

This Week In Holy Crimes

Over the last seven days...

Texas: Pastor Tomas Gonzales sentenced to 15 years for molesting five year-old girl.
Uganda: Pastor Obiri Kojo Yeboah arrested for fraud for wearing a hidden electrical device to deceive parishioners into thinking his touch was slaying them in the Lord. Bonus: The Pentacostal Church is outraged at faked miracle healing.
New Jersey: Father Michael Fugee removed by Archdiocese, saying they just learned of his 2003 molestation conviction.
Michigan: Pastor Randy William Strong sentenced to one year in jail for molesting ten year-old boy.
DC: Pastor Henry Lyons, who served five years in prison for embezzling $5M from the National Baptist Convention, is now suing the organization, claiming they defrauded him of the votes necessary to once again become their president.
England: Vicar Peter Hedge found guilty of more than 30 counts of rape and sexual assault on underage boys.
Georgia: A new website has been launched to serve those molested and sexually abused by pastors of the Church of God In Christ.
Italy: Vatican bureaucrat Father Cesare Burgazzi gets charges dropped after high-speed chase through transsexual prostitution district during which he injured three cops. Friends in high places.
Israel: Rabbi Yosef Schneider arrested for defrauding investors of millions.
California: Rev. Christine Daniel arrested for selling fake cancer cure and hastening the deaths of at least six people. Bonus: Daniel used to sell her potions on TBN's Praise The Lord show.
Delaware: The Catholic Archdiocese of Wilmington declares Chapter 11 bankruptcy after petitioning the court in vain for an "equitable settlement" for 142 victims of molestation by priests.

This Week's Winner-
Vancouver: A man identified only as DJW has been found guilty of negligence for performing a home circumcision on his four year-old son after reading the book of Christian author Richard Hoskins, who says such a rite is demanded by the Bible (which also has the answers for "all of the problems in society, including the number of abortions and homosexuals.") Telling his son that it would give him "extra special protection from God," the man performed the surgery using a non-sharp, non-sterile razor and a blood coagulant "meant for horses." Because it was cheaper than human coagulent. Bonus: In 2005, DJW home-circumsized himself, resulting in unstoppable bleeding and an infection of his penis.

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