Main | Monday, March 31, 2014

Gay Man Ponders Being A "Bio-Dad"

Yesterday a gay man pondered the responsibilities and legalities of a sperm donation to a lesbian couple in an essay published by the New York Times. An excerpt:
Beyond legal entanglements, I grew anxious wondering about the practical consequences of a known-donor arrangement. Tori and Kelly don’t want a co-parent, and I’m not looking to be a father. Still, our biological connection wouldn’t be a secret; shouldn’t I be prepared to maintain a relationship with a child I helped bring into the world? What does that look like? No one was asking me to change diapers on the daily, but should I plan on attending all birthday parties and piano recitals?

Then there were the implications for my family. “Who’d have thought,” my father joked excitedly when I broached the subject, “my gay son might be the first to give me a grandkid!” I reminded him, guiltily, that he wouldn’t be a grandfather to this child. Not really. No more than I’d be a father. Tori and Kelly are open to my family’s involvement, but it’d be less than if I were raising a child myself. This means no holidays spent together in Salt Lake; no sleepovers at Grandma or Grandpa Dodge’s. My parents understand this and have consented — possibly figuring it’s the closest they’ll come to getting a grandchild out of me — but is this fair to them?
Hit the link for his decision.

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