I'd Like 1.2 Million Funny Hats, Please

According to the Mayor's office, there are 1.2 million tourists in the naked city this weekend, the highest weekly total in a record year that brought 44 million tourists to the Big Apple. The hotels and bars are bursting at the seams and the big moment is still more than 48 hours away. My brothers, if you can't get laid in NYC this weekend, you might as well hang it up. Me, I hung it up ages ago. Where's my claim ticket?