Mike Gravel Joins Libertarian Party

Mike Gravel, everyone's favorite wacky idealist (and BFF of the gays), is ditching the Democrats to run for president under the banner of the Libertarian Party. In other momentous switches, the NYPD will change the color of parking tickets from safety orange to burnt orange. (And when Gravel is elected, we'll be doing away parking tickets entirely. The government should not be in the business of telling Americans where they can park!)

I really shouldn't mock Mike Gravel. After all, he is one of only two Democratic presidential candidates who have signed off on every bullet point on the Homosexual Agenda: marriage equality, ENDA¹, hate crimes, DADT, putting a Judy Garland Monument on the National Mall².

Last summer when I met Gravel at an appearance before the only there for the open bar politically charged Gays Of Chelsea, he spoke eloquently about how love is the only important thing in the world, and how as president, he'd work for the equality of all Americans, "Be they gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transvestitite." Are travestitites the ones that wear their hair UP? Or is that the transvestimites? Check amongst yourselves.

¹After I told him what it was.
²To balance that dreary Korean War thing.