A Date With America's Legal Prostidude

The NY Post sent comedy writer Mandy Stadtmiller to visit "Markus," the country's first legal male brothel worker. Things didn't go very well.

“Markus” (real name: Patrick) greets me in glasses, a satin blue shirt and slacks, and leads me to a bedroom where we sit opposite each other as I fumble for the cash out of my “Precious Moments” pocketbook. “First thing we do is visual inspection,” explains the dorky college dropout who later confesses I am only his second client, he has been with a total of six women in his life, and, to be perfectly honest, he lost his virginity at 23. “So,” Markus says after leaning over and kissing my knee, “we’re going to get undressed and then take a shower. Then we can both inspect each other to make sure there are no discrepancies.” Minutes later, as we’re standing naked in the shower, he’s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding. “Yeah,” he murmurs, cooing that I’m “practically” an 8 or a 9. “Everything looks great down there.” Oh. My. God.

In addition to comparing himself to Rosa Parks, Markus thinks he's like Lady Gaga, Moby, and Vincent Van Gogh. Fellow eccentrics and all that. OK, then. I sense a reality show in the works.