That Sounds A Little Pitchy, Dawg

Christianist groups are so horrified by the rumor that Howard Stern might replace Simon Cowell on American Idol, they've launched a preemptive petition campaign aimed at the show's producers at Fox.

WHEREAS American Idol has come to be trusted by America’s Families as reliable, family friendly entertainment.

WHEREAS Howard Stern is one of the most profane, sexually-explicit and anti-family performers in the history of the broadcast medium; and in discussing the possibility of becoming a judge on American Idol on his radio program gave audiences a preview of what he would bring to the table as a judge, talking about getting “little boys hard.”

AND WHEREAS bringing Howard Stern on American Idol, either as guest or judge would immediately render the program unsuitable for family audiences.

BE IT KNOWN that if the reports about Mr. Stern prove to be true, we will no longer watch the program; we will share our concern with our friends, family and others in our social circle; and we will contact every sponsor and urge them to consider whether they should associate their corporate image with a man who talks about “getting little boys hard.” And if Stern says anything that we feel is in violation of broadcast decency laws, we will take immediate action by filing complaints with the Federal Communications Commission against our local Fox affiliate. We ask you to immediately repudiate these rumors and commit publicly to keeping American Idol safe for family viewing.

I've never enjoyed Howard Stern in the slightest, but WHEREAS the Parents Television Council are douchebaggy busybodies, I hope he gets the gig.