A Date With America's Legal Prostidude

The NY Post sent comedy writer Mandy Stadtmiller to visit "Markus," the country's first legal male brothel worker. Things didn't go very well.

“Markus” (real name: Patrick) greets me in glasses, a satin blue shirt and slacks, and leads me to a bedroom where we sit opposite each other as I fumble for the cash out of my “Precious Moments” pocketbook. “First thing we do is visual inspection,” explains the dorky college dropout who later confesses I am only his second client, he has been with a total of six women in his life, and, to be perfectly honest, he lost his virginity at 23. “So,” Markus says after leaning over and kissing my knee, “we’re going to get undressed and then take a shower. Then we can both inspect each other to make sure there are no discrepancies.” Minutes later, as we’re standing naked in the shower, he’s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding. “Yeah,” he murmurs, cooing that I’m “practically” an 8 or a 9. “Everything looks great down there.” Oh. My. God.

In addition to comparing himself to Rosa Parks, Markus thinks he's like Lady Gaga, Moby, and Vincent Van Gogh. Fellow eccentrics and all that. OK, then. I sense a reality show in the works.

Quote Of The Day - Markus

"Basically this is the first time in the economy of the United States that a male has actually stood up and said, 'I want to do this for a living.' And be protected under law to do it. It's just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front instead of the back. She was proclaiming her rights as a disadvantaged, African-American older woman. And I'm doing the same. I'm actually standing up now, and hopefully I can be supported by the male community and be understood as a person. This actually isn't about selling my body. This is about changing social norms." - America's first legal male prostitute "Markus," who actually totally ishityounot just compared himself to Rosa Parks. He charmingly adds that will not be taking male clients, "because my sphincter is not for sale."