Ted Cox: Undercover With The "Ex-Gays"

I've blogged several times about straight reporter Ted Cox and his undercover investigation of the "ex-gay" industry. Today Cox writes us to let us know that his entire story has now been posted online despite the confidentiality agreement he signed with the so-called Journey Into Manhood. The article is riveting, here's how it starts.

I don’t remember exactly when I felt his erection pressing into my back. It might have been while he whispered in my ear, “Long ago, you were the Golden Child. But, somehow, that Golden Child was hurt, and you put up a wall to protect yourself.” Or it might have been when other men in the room broke out in song:

How could anyone ever tell you
That you’re anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
That you’re less than whole?

[snip] In one corner of the room, a portable stereo played Shaina Noll’s song. At one point, the staff members all sang out in unison, their voices filling the high walls of the camp lodge. Somewhere in the room, a man sobbed over the sound of the music. It was the first night of “Journey into Manhood,” a 48-hour weekend retreat designed to help gay men become straight. In that room, about fifty men — some thirty “Journeyers” and fifteen staff members — sat on the carpeted floor of a ranch lodge two hours outside of Phoenix, Arizona. Most of the men, except for a few of the staff members, struggled to overcome their attraction to other men. Sometime during all that holding and touching and singing, while I was cradled in the Motorcycle position, I felt it: the unmistakable bulge pressing through his tight jeans. It was the first time in my life I had a felt another man’s erection.

The article is being serialized this week at the above link, but you can read the entire thing now via this document reader.

Undercover With The "Ex-Gays"

You may recall Ted Cox, the straight, formerly Mormon, reporter who went undercover at an "ex-gay" conversion therapy retreats in two states. Cox was unable to tell his story because his publisher feared legal reprisals if Cox were to break the confidentiality agreement the "ex-gays" made him sign. This week Cox has broken the agreement in an interview with Alternet. An excerpt:

It starts out with these odd exercises meant to confront how you feel about men. For one exercise, you're standing just inches away from another man and you're staring him in the eyes, and someone in the background is telling you to think about what emotions come up. You do this with every man at the camp. It is very uncomfortable. At first, I was very confused and then I became amused. But as the weekend wore on, I became really angry and sad. I was angry because I feel these men are being lied to; they're being charged $650 for a system that, I think, does not work. I feel [these men] are victims of religious abuse and being told that there is something wrong about their fundamental identity, that they are committing a grievous sin if a man acts on what comes naturally to him. That made me angry.

I saw one man distraught that he was damaging his own sons, that they would end up gay because he was not enough of a man. And I wanted to just hug him, and tell him, "It's OK, it's alright. So what if your kids turn out gay? And you can't turn them gay." I became sad because I saw men reenact traumatic events from their childhood. The paperwork tells you [camp staff members] are not acting as professionals so you have no idea how ethical this is, how safe—psychologically—any of these programs are. I felt sad that their pain was being used to exploit them to make them feel like that was the reason they were gay.

Read the entire interview.

Straight Guy Goes "Ex-Gay" Undercover

Ted Cox, a straight formerly Mormon reporter, thought it would an interesting story to go undercover at Journey Into Manhood, a "recovery from homosexuality" event in Salt Lake City. But Cox was unable to publish his story because the event's organizer convinced his employer that to do so would violate the confidentiality agreement he'd signed. But he can talk about why he went.

Granted, I do not understand what it’s like to be a gay man with a Christian background who is trying desperately to change who he is because he believes if he acts on these desires, he is committing some horrible sin. But, I went through the process. And the reason you have to go undercover is because there is no other way to find out what’s going on. These organizations cloud themselves with secrecy; everything is hidden—it’s blocked; it’s behind confidentiality agreements. How do we know if what [organizer] Wyler is doing is ethical unless someone can take a look at it and critique it?

The confidentiality agreement is a hoot:"Non-sexual healing touch." Yeah.