Tuesday, March 07, 2006

This Is Why You're A Temp

"I'm sorry but her voicemail isn't working and I'm really too busy to write down your phone number."

The Cheater Calls

Thursday, 1pm, Corner of Lexington & 42nd Street

It's drizzling a cold sleet. People are using their umbrellas like bumper cars, slaloming their way down the icy sidewalk. I'm waiting to cross Lexington, when a woman behind me starts yelling angrily into her Bluetooth earpiece.

"You have got a lot of fuckin' nerve to call me. You piece of shit. What am I, the biggest schmuck in Manhattan? Don't tell me to calm down. I've never been so fucking betrayed in my life. I'm humiliated. My soul is broken. No. You go fuck yourself, you fuckin' cheating bastard!"

I hazard a look backwards. The woman is in her early 40's, wearing a Donna Karan power suit. She catches me looking at her and I snap my attention back to the Walk/Don't Walk sign. She continues.

"Am I leaving? Are you fucking serious? I'm already gone, fuckhead. I'm coming by later tonight to get my things and you better not fucking be there or I'll don't know what'll happen. You hear me? Do those scumbag friends of yours in your office know what you did to me? Cuz they are gonna find out!"

The light changes and the woman strides past me, her black pointy-toed boots snapping icy water back onto my feet. I'm thinking that she looks remarkably clear-eyed for someone in the middle of such an enormous emotional crisis. She appears to be listening intently to the other person, and when we reach the far curb, then comes the resolution.

"You can beg forgiveness until your fuckin' mother comes outta her grave. But I'll telling you right now, I'll going straight to your office and telling everybody what you did, and then I'm going down to my office and doing the same thing. Then on Monday morning when everybody knows what a scumbag you are and how you cheated me out of my fucking commission on this project, a project that everybody knows I have killed myself on for you, then you see how many fucking traders you have left at the end of the day!"

I watch her head into the lobby of the glass tower on 42nd Street and I wish I could go with her to watch.


Sunday, March 05, 2006

Mike And Joe On Butt Maintenance

At a unnamed nightclub, where a go-go "boy" is dancing on the bar.....

Mike: Wow, that dancer has an amazing ass!

Joe: Well, they don't let people with saggy butts become go-go boys.

Mike: I know that, but don't you think he has an especially perky butt, I mean, for his age?

Joe: What do you mean "for his age"? He's hardly in his 30's.

Mike: People in their 30's do NOT have butts like that. I think he's had something done to it.

Joe: Honey, it's called Stairmaster.

Mike: Mmm, no I think there's something else going on. I think he's had some of that stuff shot into it.

Joe: Stuff? What stuff?

Mike: You know, Buttox.

Joe: I hate you.

Mike: Ha, ha, ha! Buttox! Get it?

Joe: I hate you.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Faggy Fashion Flashback

An art director friend of mine, who is a straight male, has asked me for some help with a photo shoot he is working on. He's trying to create a visual representation of how gay men and women have dressed over the last fifty years. The idea is some sort of an assemblage of iconic, not necessarily stereotypical, styles of dress.

For example, for the '70s, he's thinking more Castro Clone, less Village People. Other than that example, he's rather lost for ideas. For the '80s, I suggested the East Village/ACT UP look: shaved heads, leather jackets, protest t-shirts. For the 90's, I thought of the circuit boy look: smooth-shaven, wife-beaters, track pants, tribal tattoos.

What would you suggest, gentle readers? How did our people dress over the past five decades? Was there a uniquely gay style of dress in the 50's and 60's? Is there one now? Am I wrong about the 80's and 90's? I'm going to forward him all of your ideas.

(And don't think I don't know that most of you can't think of anything right now, because you are hung up on this: "straight male art director". Go New York City, eh?)


Here's the interview. Hopefully I don't look like too much of a tool.

Open Mic / 2006 Oscars

If I were selecting the winners:

Best Picture: Crash
Best Director: Paul Haggis, Crash
Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Best Actress: Reese Witherspoon, Walk The Line
Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney, Syriana
Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener

I can't do one of those "should win", "could win", "will win" lists because I don't know enough about the politics of awards to do that kind of handicapping.

UPDATE: Kinda impressed, aren't you?

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Fight The Real Terrorist

More from yesterday's Lewis Lapham article in Harper's, which tells the story of Rep. John Conyers, Jr (D.-Mich) and his resolution that the House Of Representatives form "a select committee to investigate the Administration's intent to go to war before congressional authorization, manipulation of pre-war intelligence, encouraging and countenancing torture, retaliating against critics, and to make recommendations regarding grounds for possible impeachment.”

Money quote: (Emphasis motherfucking mine.)

"That President George W. Bush comes to power with the intention of invading Iraq is a fact not open to dispute. Pleased with the image of himself as a military hero, and having spoken, more than once, about seeking revenge on Saddam Hussein for the tyrant's alleged attempt to “kill my Dad,” he appoints to high office in his administration a cadre of warrior intellectuals, chief among them Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, known to be eager for the glories of imperial conquest. At the first meeting of the new National Security Council on January 30, 2001, most of the people in the room discuss the possibility of preemptive blitzkrieg against Baghdad. In March the Pentagon circulates a document entitled “Foreign Suitors for Iraqi Oil Field Contracts”; the supporting maps indicate the properties of interest to various European governments and American corporations. Six months later, early in the afternoon of September 11, the smoke still rising from the Pentagon's western facade, Secretary Rumsfeld tells his staff to fetch intelligence briefings (the “best info fast...go massive; sweep it all up; things related and not”) that will justify an attack on Iraq."

And there it is. Bush invented the war to settle some macho score about "his dad", screwing our economy by the trillions and causing the deaths of thousands of Americans, not to mention Iraqis. And then lied about it. Over and over. I see: Crime. Crime. Crime. Crime. If Bush isn't the textbook example of what power run amok can wreak, then why bother to have the impeachment option at all? I just don't want him canned now, I want him IN the can.

BLOGGERS: Do NOT let this story go unmentioned. The MSM has paid scant attention to the Conyers resolution thus far. WE CAN CHANGE THAT. Make noise on your own blogs. Give visibility to the Conyers resolution.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful,committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, that is the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead

UPDATE: Go check out Articles Of Impeachment Against George W. Bush @ Daily Kos , including a plea to buy the current issue of Harper's Magazine which contains the full Case For Impeachment story, which is only excerpted on the Harper's site, here.

UPDATE: Somebody whose opinion I respect, wrote to say that he was "disappointed" with my characterization of Bush as a terrorist, feeling that calling Bush a terrorist was the sort of looney lefty hyperbole that characterizes much of progressive movement and costs us credibility. And he's probably at at least a little bit right.

But just for fun, I googled "define terrorist" and the first return was this: "One who utilizes the systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve political objectives, while disguised as a civilian non-combatant. The use of a civilian disguise while on operations exempts the perpetrator from protection under the Geneva Conventions, and consequently if captured they are liable for prosecution as common criminals."

From Google's mouth to Zod's ears......

Reaction to this post here and here.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Now! Now! Now!

Yesterday's CBS poll reveals that Bush II's approval rating has now dived to the lowest of his presidency, a mere 34%. Cheney's approval is a laughable-if-it-weren't-so-sad 18%.

Let's flip those numbers for a second, for the benefit of non-Americans out there.

66% of the United States disapproves of their own president. *

82% of the United States disapproves of their vice-president. *

Prisoner abuse. An undeclared war. Wiretapping. Cronyism. Incompetence on an unbelievable scale. The impeachment process HAS GOT TO START NOW! The world cannot wait.



Visit the ACLU's site to learn more about the effort to stop illegal spying on Americans.

Even Wikipedia has a compendium of resources devoted to Bush' impeachment. But this chilling line stands out: "As of March 2006, the United States House of Representatives as a body, has taken no action of any kind toward the impeachment of President Bush, nor have they scheduled any." It's time to change that.

Bloggers, check out the United Coalition Of Blogs For The Impeachment Of George W. Bush.

For those unaware of the process, impeachment is only the beginning of the procedure to removed a sitting president. Impeachment merely means that the House Of Representatives has voted to try the president for crimes against the country. It's worth noting that only two presidents have ever been impeached, and that no impeachment has ever resulted in a president involuntarily leaving office. Nixon resigned before the House could vote on his impeachment. Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton were both acquitted at their trials.

It's long overdue that this country made some positive history. Today, I'm emailing my Representative. What are you doing? Write to YOUR Representative.

UPDATE: Read this story in the current issue of Harper's Magazine, The Case For Impeachment.

FURTHER UPDATE: The San Francisco Board Of Supervisors calls for Bush's impeachment.

*CORRECTION: In my joy reversing the poll numbers, I forgot to factor out the wishy-washy motherfuckers who don't give two shits about this country and answered the poll: "neither approve nor disapprove". The total "disapproval" numbers are actually lower. Sorry folks.

Reaction to this post: here, here.