This Week In Holy Crimes

Over the last seven days...

California: Pastor E. Joshua Sims arrested for embezzling $800K from his church.
Nebraska: Pastor Efrain Umana arrested for sexually assaulting a 14 year-old girl. Umana has "numerous prior arrests" for similar crimes.
North Carolina: Rabbi David Alan Stein sentenced to three years probation for eight counts of having sex with an underage student.
Tennessee: Pastor William Charles Lohn indicted for embezzling $73K from his church.
Florida: Pastor Scott Dewayne Wright sentenced to four years for sexually assaulting a minor.
Michigan: Pastor Randy Strong found guilty of sexually assaulting a ten year old boy.
Louisiana: Pastors Jason Cooper and Victor Mitchell convicted of sexual battery and indecent behavior with a minor.
California: Pastor Timothy Han charged with felony copulation with a minor.
Arizona: Pastor Christopher Decaire found guilty of six charges of molestation and sexual misconduct.

This week's winner-
Ghana: An unnamed Christian pastor has been charged with "fondling the private parts of his lady followers," telling them that they had "mysterious objects" in their vah-jay-jays that was rendering them childless. After soaking their genitals in a "solution" and "stirring" them with his hands, the pastor told his parishioners he'd removed the sterility-making objects. He's been doing this for 15 years. Allegedly.