Ruben Diaz Has 10 Wishes For 2013

Crackpot anti-gay New York Sen. Ruben Diaz has ten wishes for the new year.

1. For Senator John Sampson, to find better and more faithful friends.

2. For reporters Bob Kappstatter, from the Bronx Times and Jim Odato from the Times Union, to learn how to be impartial and objective journalists.

3. For Senator Jeff Klein and his Gang of Four, to find a parachute to allow them to make their landing easy and soft when Senator Dean Skelos and the Republicans - fearing the Conservative Party - reject their support for a progressive agenda, leaving the Gang of Four out in the cold.

4. For Senator Malcolm Smith, to find another minority to join him in order for him not to be the only Uncle Tom in the house.

5. For Assemblyman-Elect Luis Sepulveda, to take it a little bit easier with a little more patience and wait for his time, because it will come.

6. For my three friends, Carl Kruger, Pedro Espada, and Hiram Monserrate, to try to get together in 2013 while they are away [JMG: "away" means "IN PRISON"] and write a book instructing Jeff Klein and the Gang of Four how to deal with Dean Skelos and what to expect from him.

7. To Senator Andrea Stewart-Cousins, to buy a back-stabbing proof vest.

8. For Senator Adriano Espaillat, to get a big handkerchief to wipe away his saliva because Charlie Rangel will be there for many years more - and aside from that, Adam Clayton Powell is warming up in the bullpen.

9. For Governor Andrew Cuomo, to be honest enough to admit that he has been the creator of the mess in the New York State Senate.

10. As for myself, should these nine other wishes come true, that I will be able to take a break and keep my mouth shut.

Diaz closes, as always, with his preferred official title: "This is Senator Reverend Rubén Díaz and this is what you should know."