Kegel Exercises With An Assist

Last week I got pitched to promote glow-in-the-dark underwear with a padded bottom. Oy. Today I got pitched on this possibly more useful product:

The Private Gym, LLC announced today the release of its groundbreaking, innovative fitness program, Private Gym, the first FDA approved exercise program that strengthens the muscles supporting and controlling the penis. In less than 10 minutes a day, three days a week, men can experience more rigid erections, reduce premature ejaculations and heighten orgasms, as well as support prostate health. Private Gym promises to boost a man’s sexual performance as well as help prevent the onset of erectile dysfunction. The rationale behind Private Gym is simple and well established: work out a muscle and it gets stronger. These are the same well-known exercises performed by millions of women to increase pelvic tone, particularly after childbirth.

This is how it's described on Amazon, where the kit sells for $100.

The Complete Training Program starts with four weeks of Basic Training, which guides the user through a series of pelvic muscle exercises specifically designed to create initial pelvic muscle strength. Once Basic Training is complete, the program incorporates an additional four weeks of resistance training and the Private Gym's patented, FDA registered weighted penis ring and magnetic weight. The weighted ring is placed comfortably around the erect penis and lifted up and down, thereby placing just the right amount of resistance to maximize pelvic muscle growth and strength.

You lazy slob, get off that couch and exercise your penis! And for inspiration, there's a super very extremely not-even-remotely office-safe instructional video featuring porn stars Johnny Hazzard and Austin Wilde. This product makes me wonder if there's also a butt version of the Thighmaster.