In Which I Die Of Shame

About 6am at the Black Party, my buddy Nick and I noticed a young man lying on a bag of trash just off the dance floor. We watched him for a few seconds and when it appeared that nobody was looking after him, we went over and got him to his wobbly feet. "Are you OK?" Yes, yes. "You sure? You don't look OK and you were lying in the dirty garbage. Didn't you take something?" No, no, no! Yes. "Well, which is it? Where are your friends?" Shrug. Stagger. Dr. Jeff ran to the bar to get the kid something sugary while Nick and I kept him moving and talking. Colombian, 23, moved here from Bogata two weeks ago, knows no one in NYC. Sigh. A Roseland staffer came over and repeated the same questions that Nick and I had asked, the kid drank Dr. Jeff's soda, came out of his fog and decided to go home.

Crisis averted.

A few minutes later I headed to the basement to check out the DJ in the Serpent's Lounge. On the crowded stairs I noticed a guy about my age who seemed to be in a similar condition to our young Colombian, as he was gripping the center handrail with both hands and laboriously venturing each step. Emboldened by our earlier Boy Scoutery, I reached across the rail and took his elbow. "You doing OK, buddy? Looks like you're kinda out of it. Let me help you out." Oh, thank you, but I'm fine. I'm just really tired. And blind.

Joe dies of embarrassment.

Making it worse, I hadn't noticed that the man already had somebody on his other elbow helping him down the stairs. Making it extra extra extra worse, his friend turned out to be a JMG reader, meaning that I couldn't even by an anonymous asshole. They explained that the guy had lost his sight only two years ago due to some chronic condition. So here he is at the Black Party, defiantly holding on to this part of his old world, probably feeling pretty great about it, and some shithead has to come over and let him know that he looks like a fucked up mess. Yeah, yeah, best intentions and all that, but still.

As I departed the party eight hours later, I chatted with one of the EMTs hired for the event and he told me that he only knew of three patrons who had been removed for messiness, which I found quite remarkable considering the immense size of the crowd. On the way home I pondered what the number would have been had it been a straight event and remembered the 80 arrests for public messiness at tiny Hoboken, New Jersey's St. Patrick's Day parade. Since I only do the gay megaparty thing a couple of times a year anymore, I don't have a lot of first-person impressions to draw upon, but it does seem possible that gay folks have finally reined in the excesses that that played a part in ending many annual events like the Black Party.

An asshole can only hope.

VIDEO: Black Party 2009

ABOVE: One minute of the Black Party's dance floor, shot at approximately 4:15am. The clip starts out a bit dark, but an explosion of strobe light madness brightens things up immensely.
BELOW: My beloved Farmboys arrived shortly after noon, but I never found them as the crowd had scarcely lessened since my arrival around 2am. Below is Father Tony's photo montage/video. You'll note that although these two clips were taken at least nine hours apart, it appears that the same record is still playing. I can promise you that this is not an illusion. More on that issue later today after I've sorted out my thoughts.

Craig Wins, Ted Eiel Spins

This week's swag winner is Craig, who iPhoned us his photo from the locker room of his gym upon receiving notification of his win. Craig and a friend will attend Afterhours, DJ Junior Vasquez' closing set at Black Party XXX (NSFW). Advance tickets for Black Party XXX are available online; tickets for Afterhours are $50 and available at the door only at 10AM. All Afterhours ticket buyers (and Craig) will get advance copies of Junior's new CD, Generation Next, which goes on sale April 7th.

In other leathery news, tomorrow Chicago-based DJ Ted Eiel plays the NYC Eagle. Friends of mine have been raving about Ted for ages and last year I started subscribing to his fantastic podcasts, which you can get free on iTunes. I don't usually go out the night before Black Party as PawPaw needs his disco nap coma these days, but I'll make an exception this year.

Swag Tuesday

Courtesy of the Saint-At-Large, today's swag prize is two tickets to Afterhours, DJ Junior Vasquez' closing performance at Rites XXX: The Black Party. Junior takes the stage at 10AM and is scheduled to play until 2:45PM (although he is rather famous for going long.)

Tickets for Junior's Black Party set will be $50 and available at the door only; admissions begin at 10AM. With your Afterhours ticket (and also if you win this contest) comes Generation Next, Junior's new CD.

Enter to win by commenting on this post. Only enter once and please remember to leave an email address you check frequently. Entries close at midnight Wednesday, left coast time. Publicists, if you'd like to take part in Swag Tuesday on JMG, please email me.

Stephen & Snakes

Our most recent Swag Tuesday winner is Stephen, who will be attending Rites XXX: The Black Party courtesy of the Saint-At-Large. Interestingly, Stephen will not be bestowing his other ticket on his boyfriend. Party in the balcony! I kid, I kid. Advance tickets are available online here.

RELATED: The promoters have asked me to mention that despite what this year's Black Party poster (NSFW) may imply, there will not be any actual snakes at this year's event. Apparently, they've been deluged with nervous emails from ophidiophobic leathermen. I love my people.

UPDATE: OK, I totally misunderstood what the Black Party folks were telling me about the snakes. At the party there will be a totally snake-free room set aside for snake-o-phobes to cower within during whatever snake-y performance they have planned. As the kids say, my bad.

Swag Tuesday

Courtesy of the Saint-At-Large, today's swag prize is two tickets to Rites XXX: The Black Party, the 30th annual installation of the most legendary gay dance party in history.

Black Party XXX takes place Saturday, March 21st at Manhattan's Roseland Ballroom in Times Square.

This year's Black Party DJs are Eddie Elias, Boris, and Junior Vasquez. View a special (NSFW) Black Party trailer here. Doors open at 10PM Saturday and the party runs "until Sunday afternoon." Advance tickets are $110 until the day of the event, then $125 at the door. Purchase advance tickets online here. Tickets are also available at five Manhattan retailers: Nasty Pig, 265-A West 19th Street; Wear Me Out, 353 West 47th Street, The Leather Man, 111 Christopher Street; Steel Gym, 146 West 23rd Street; and Screaming Mimi's, 382 Lafayette Street.

Enter to win two tickets to Black Party XXX by commenting on this post. Only enter once and please remember to include an email address that you check frequently. If you cannot be in NYC on the day of the event, tickets are transferable to your favorite local leather man/boy/bear/cub. Entries close at midnight Wednesday, left coast time. Publicists: If you'd like to take part in Swag Tuesday on JMG, please email me.