Instant Disco History #11: Disco Xmas

Reposted from last year....

No holiday has been more discofied than Xmas. Disco Jingle Bells. Disco Rudolph. Disco Shitty Gift Card From A Store I'd Never Shop In. Here's a few of my favorites.

Weather Girls - Dear Santa, Bring Me A Man This Christmas (Columbia Records, 1986) - I'd listen to Martha and (the sadly late) Izora sing the phone book, but actually this song is a pretty great take on their classic, It's Raining Men. Place him under my tree, Mr. C! (Download 6:26)

Holiday Express - Disco Santa (Casablanca Records 1983). The Village People classics YMCA and Macho Man get yuled up. N-O-E-L. How do you make an "N"? (Download 3:34)

Roller Disco Orchestra - Winter Wonderland (Hallmark Records 1986). Cheesy vocals for days, but this track has some nice orchestration, sharp horns and lovely strings too. (Download 3:29)

Charo - Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus? (Salsoul Records 1978). It's not Xmas without Charo. Just isn't. When I lived in sweltering South Florida, I used to hear this ten times a day on Power 96. (Download 5:39)

Boney M - Feliz Navidad (Hansa Records 1986). I love Boney M. They are the only act to have two songs in England's all-time Top Ten singles. And one of those songs was a Xmas record. And this ain't it. Get out the crackers, here comes the cheese. (Download 2:22)

Salsoul Orchestra - Sleigh Ride (Salsoul Records 1976). A lovely loping little confection. (Download 3:04)

Salsoul Orchestra - Christmas Medley (Salsoul Records 1976). From 31 years ago, this is the original Xmas disco track and it is still considered by many to be the best. I've heard it two dozen times on the radio in the last two weeks. (Download 12:12)

NON-DISCO-RELATED 2007 UPDATE: A survey published last week listed the top five most-hated Xmas songs ever. Joining Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer and the Singing Dogs on the hate list is Barbra Streisand's gruesome take on Jingle Bells. Oy! That song once caused me to threaten to leap out of a car in the middle of I-95. Seriously, I think it causes cancer. Proceed accordingly. (Download 1:58)
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Instant Disco History # 13 - The Bump

I'm long overdue for an Instant Disco History post, so here's an all-video entry featuring three hit songs about that painful '70s dance craze, the bump. The 1977 Munich Machine album to the left doesn't contain any songs about the bump, which probably caused more bruised hips than New York City's old rusty subway turn-styles, but I've always loved those bumping robots.

Lady Bump
Penny McLean
Atlantic Records 1975

Austrian-born Penny McLean had a worldwide hit with Lady Bump, either despite or because of the famous scream that she lets loose several times during the record. Shortly before her solo success with Lady Bump, McLean joined Silver Convention as producers put faces to the anonymous studio singers who had recorded the global #1 hit Fly Robin, Fly. McLean does appear on Silver Convention's follow-up hit, Get Up And Boogie, which hit #2 in the U.S. in 1976, just as the second hit from her solo album, 1-2-3-4 Fire, also stormed the charts. Miss McLean had a very busy couple of years, then pretty much disappeared. She's really cute in this video.


Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)
Joe Tex
Epic Records 1977

Joe Tex had a big hit in '77 with this almost-novelty record about getting knocked on his ass while doing the bump with a hefty woman. Tex, who died in '82, was an R&B/blues icon who often boasted of having invented rap and of having had his dance moves stolen by James Brown. Old timers should recall Tex for his impossibly catch 1972 hit, I Gotcha, which hit #1 R&B, #2 pop. Ain't Gonna Bump made it to #12 on the U.S. pop charts in early 1977. Here's a complete mess of a performance video in which Tex is upstaged by the big woman bumping the hell out of a background dancer. The camera and the audience don't know who to watch.


Baby Do You Wanna Bump?
Boney M
Atlantic Records 1974

One of the most popular and greatest selling acts in the history of pop music, West Germany's Boney M had very little success in the United States and their first single, Baby Do You Wanna Bump? was no exception. In fact, despite a long run of chart toppers across Europe, Boney M's best U.S. showing was 1978's Rivers Of Babylon, which hit #30 here. I read recently that Boney M is the only act with two songs in Britain's all-time top ten: Rivers Of Babylon and their Xmas hit, Mary's Boy Child. (Even the Beatles only have ONE song in the UK all-time top ten.) By the way, the vocals on Baby Do You Wanna Bump? were all performed by producer Frank Farian, including the "female" chorus, so while this video is tons of fun, everybody is lip-syncing Farian. Oh, and if that modus operandi seems familiar, it's because Farian was also the mastermind behind Milli Vanilli. Yup. Bonus super trivia: Check for a close-up of one-time Boney M singer, Canadian disco superstar Claudja Barry, right about the 1:50 mark.


Instant Disco History archives.

Instant Disco History #12 Ooo-Wah, Ooo-Wah

Ooo-wah, Ooo-wah. How I hated it. That frenzied, bizarre, dance floor chant that arose during peak moments in gay clubs of the 70's. Ooo-wah, Ooo-wah. Never once in 30-some odd years have I ooo'd or wah'd. Always it would seem to arise during the exact moment of a song I was particularly enjoying, shattering the moment as I gritted my teeth to glare at my partner, letting him know that he was NOT to take part, not ruin my Donna Summer, my Gino Soccio. I still hear it today, on rare occasions, and I still have the same reaction.

Record producers were quick to incorporate the sound, which my straight friends christened the "queer call." Around 1977, it was not uncommon to hear that cursed sound in a half a dozen songs over the course of evening, So despite my enduring distaste for ooo-wah, ooo-wah, here's a trio of hit songs that successfully rode the ooo-wah train to chart success.

Michael Zager Band had the biggest ooo-wah club hit with Let's All Chant, an inane bit of disco puffery with the immortal lyrics, "Your body, my body, everybody move your body." Zager was a one-hit wonder with Let's All Chant, although he had lots of success producing other artists such as Whitney Houston's mom, Cissy. Michael Zager Band - Let's All Chant (Private Stock Records, 1977) #1 Dance, #15 R&B, #35 Pop. (Download. Stream.)


Foxy, a Miami-based trio that included Tito Puente's son on percussion, had a smash with Get Off, which still can be heard ooh-wahing around R&B oldies shows. Foxy frontman Ish Ledesma went on to produce some of the biggest hits of the mid-80's "Miami sound", including Company B's Fascinated (which featured his wife and sister-in-law) and Promise Circle's Be Mine Tonight. Foxy - Get Off (TK Disco/Dash Records, 1978.) #1 Dance, #1 R&B, #9 Pop. (Download. Stream.)


Heatwave gave the world Rod Temperton, writer of many hits for Michael Jackson, Rufus, Brothers Johnson, and many of the other biggest Quincy Jones-produced hits of the 70's & 80's, so for that, I forgive The Groove Line, whose ooo-wah, ooh-wah lingered at the top of the charts for most of the summer of 1978. Plus, Heatwave gave us Always And Forever, providing endless karaoke hilarity for the last 30 years. Heatwave - The Groove Line (Epic Records, 1978.) #1 Dance, #3 R&B, #7 Pop. (Download. Stream.)

Previously on JMG:
Instant Disco History #1: Voggue
Instant Disco History #2: Luther Vandross
Instant Disco History #3: Skatt Bros.
Instant Disco History #4: Karen Finley
Instant Disco History #5: Disco Orchestra
Instant Disco History #6: On Broadway
Instant Disco History #7: New York City
Instant Disco History #8: Disco Lucy
Instant Disco History #9: Morning Music
Instant Disco History #10: Don't Leave Me This Way
Instant Disco History #11: Disco Xmas
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