The Bacontarian

Continuing my rash of bacon-related posts: Mystery Science Theater 3000 host Mike Nelson is halfway through his pledge to eat nothing but bacon for the month of February. Here's how he announced the stunt on January 31st:

For the entire month of February, 2009, I, Michael J. Nelson will eat nothing but bacon. Nothing, my friends, but bacon. Why? Because bacon is nature’s finest and most nourishing food. Also, because several doubters on the RiffTrax staff had the unmitigated gall to insult bacon by making the outrageous claim that, as good as it is, no one could eat very much of it and live. I can and will. Therefore I will spend the month proving it. And I invite any and all of you to join me in my quest. If you do, I’ll certainly share your stories and blog posts.

Now for the fine print: “Bacon” shall hereafter refer to the cured and smoked fatty cuts of pork, either back, side or belly. In other words “American bacon”. No “Canadian bacon”, which is really just lunchmeat. No pork chops. No turkey bacon. No “tofacon” or any such horror. Just bacon. No condiments allowed. No syrups, or hot sauces, or pureed vegetables in the form of ketchup. No sauces at all. Just nature’s finest bacon, all by its dignified self. I am making allowances for the following beverages: beer, wine, martinis and water. No juices, no V8, nothing that could be construed as “healthy”. This is somewhat arbitrary, I grant you, but one bit of madness at a time, is my reasoning.

About half of the hundreds of commenters at Nelson's blog are predicting a fatal heart attack. The rest foresee a dramatic weight loss, Atkins-style. Most agree that Nelson's love for bacon will be permanently destroyed. I'd say a nice bout of gout is likely.

(Tipped by JMG reader Dwayne)