Dan Savage On Getting Tested

"How do you go about asking somebody you've just started dating to get tested without sounding rude?"

Missed Connections

Andrew Sullivan points out an analysis of where the folks who post on the Craigslist "Missed Connections" forum are most likely to have seen the person they want to meet.

More people spy love at Wal-Mart than anywhere else, from Florida all the way to New Mexico. And that thread runs all the way through deep red America. Only Oklahoma cites the state fair as a mixer. The rest see each other under the merciless lighting of the giant super-store. This is how we fall in love or lust, where we flirt and look back: when we’re shopping. The big cities – like NYC and DC – showcase the random human interaction on the subway or metro. The Northwest has it all going on on buses.

Wanna Date A Gay Cop?

Gothamist tips us to Meet Single Police Officers, a new hook-up/dating site for cops and their admirers. I just checked and yes, the site includes gay profiles.  Whether a member is an actual cop is apparently not vetted, but some profiles include in-uniform images.

New Dating Site For Poz Dudes

Project Runway contestant Jack Mackenroth is the co-founder of a new site for HIV+ men. He tells Frontiers Magazine:

Let’s not sugarcoat it too much. It’s a social networking site but it’s mainly a dating and hook-up site. It’s a hub to chat and meet with other HIV-positive men. It’s different from all of the other sites because we are specifically targeting HIV-positive men who have sex with men. However, we are unique because we don’t ask members to check a box declaring their HIV status. Our belief is that you should always assume that your partner is HIV-positive and proceed accordingly—this applies to life in general. It’s also an alternative for HIV-positive guys that feel stigmatized on other sites. Guys won’t have to worry about disclosure and being rejected based on HIV status. To my knowledge there are no other sites with adult content that cater exclusively to HIV-positive guys. We also provide health information from Dr. Frank Spinelli and current information on health and HIV related news.

Totally Been There

Source.

Dating Advice For The Newly Out

Quote Of The Day - Randy Cohen

"As partners cultivate romance, and particularly as they move toward erotic involvement, there are things each should reveal, things they would not mention to a casual acquaintance — any history of S.T.D.’s, for example, or the existence of any current spouse. Even before a first kiss, this person should have told you those things that you would regard as germane to this phase of your evolving relationship, including his being transgendered. Clearly he thought you’d find it pertinent; that’s why he discreditably withheld it, lest you reject him." - New York Times ethics columnist Randy Cohen, telling a reader that she has the right to out a transgender man who didn't reveal his trans status to her before they dated.

Bilerico's Dr. Jillian Weiss strongly disagrees.

Mr. Cohen, who has no reputable credentials in the field of ethics, suggests that transgender people have a responsibility to out themselves on a first date, and implies that their failure to do so is morally wrong. He compares transgender history to the case of sexually transmitted disease and adultery. He suggests, however, that notifying the local community via handbills or having local clergy announce it from the pulpit would be inappropriate. This is dangerous nonsense. Hundreds of transgender people are murdered every year, and more subjected to violence, many from partners and potential partners. What is morally wrong and reprehensible is lending the credence of The New York Times to this idea.

SC Lawmakers: Gay On Gay Violence Is OK

A bill before the South Carolina legislature would authorize public schools to include information about teen dating violence in student handbooks. But one lawmaker wants to be sure that gay-on-gay violence isn't mentioned.

The bill hit an unexpected roadblock Wednesday when Rep. Greg Delleney, R-Chester, introduced an amendment requiring the material to address only heterosexual relationships. “I don’t want the Department of Education or school districts to teach children in grades six through 12 about (same-sex) relationships,” Delleney said. Objections in the House led to the bill being delayed. Gay rights advocates say Delleney’s amendment is another attempt to ignore the gay and lesbian community. “The fact that the state continually tries to find every way to ignore every other type of family ... it’s just outrageous,” said Ryan Wilson, president of the S.C. Pride Movement.

The bill is expected to pass with the "no gays" amendment attached.

(Via - Holy Bullies)

Gay Nerd Speed Dating

Yes, there is such a thing. Via my pal Ned:

Dearest Nerds & Friends of Nerds,

25 gay nerd fellas. 25 gay nerd lasses. Since our first ever speed dating (hetero-style) went so well, as promised, we’re expanding. I’m happy to announce our first gay Nerd Nite speed dating event on THURSDAY March 12, followed by the regular Nerd Nite program which will feature Ben Bartelle of NYU discussing Genetic Engineering in Humans (less creepy than you might think), Mike Liss and Nathan Freitas talking about Messing with the Chinese Government at the 2008 Summer Olympics, and Kerry Donny-Clark talking a whole lot about where cancer comes from. But not in a depressing way.

As we’ve learned, I strongly recommend you buy tickets in advance.

I've always preferred nerds over jocks, but speed dating seems contrary to the nerd ethic of hyper-analyzation.

Triads, Trios, Thruples, Quads

From a Washington Post story on polyamory:

I have a love whose name is Johnny

He is dating my best friend Bonnie

The audience members at the annual Poly Living convention -- think hippies, retired science teachers, a high quotient of male ponytails -- are singing, in round, what might be the only song ever written about polyamory.

She lives with her sweetheart Jen

And Jen's husband whose name is Glenn

It's a lifestyle that has been alternatively misidentified as Swinging, Wife Swapping and Really Greedy.

Now they raise their kids together

And are happy more than ever.

Polyamory isn't about sex, polys tell you. It is about love. It is about loving your primary partner enough to love that they have a new secondary partner, even when their New Relationship Energy with that person leaves you, briefly, out in the cold. It's about loving yourself enough to acknowledge that your needs cannot be met by one loving person. It's about loving love enough to embrace it in unexpected form -- like maybe in the form of your primary's new secondary! -- in which case you may all form a triad and live happily together.

That kind of love.

And so some 100 people, a small fraction of the 15,000 polys on the mailing list of convention sponsor Loving More, have gathered at a Holiday Inn off the Pennsylvania Turnpike for two days of seminars with such titles as "Hap-Poly Ever After: Long-Term Poly Partnership" and "Kids and Poly Relationships: A Human Relations Primer About Melding All Your Loves."

As I've mentioned here many times, my ex is now in a poly-LTR. They're not for me, but he's happy, so I'm happy for him.

UB2 Dating Hits Gotham

A new monthly gay dating event called "HIV-, UB2" launches in December.

In response to the recent upward trend of new HIV infections in our city, the time has come to support HIV- people who wish to meet other HIV- people. To offer support, empowerment, awareness and understanding so HIV- people can create the same support network that HIV+ people have. For us to win the war against HIV, we must understand that HIV- people are the future. If you are HIV- and wish to meet other HIV- people, join us.

It's time to move forward and to reach our goal - the END OF HIV.

There are many dating support groups out there for poz guys and a similar service for HIV- guys doesn't strike me as inherently wrong. Still, I don't like the wording of this ad, the "HIV- people are the future" part really pisses me off and the title of the event is flat out offensive. As was noted here on JMG several posts down, by far the most infectious HIV+ people are the ones who think they are HIV-, the target audience for this event.

It bears repeating that unless you haven't had sex since several months before your last negative HIV result and not at all since, there are ONLY two ways to answer this question:

Are you HIV positive?

A) Yes.
B) I don't know.

Any other answer is pure speculation.