Lip Sync Battle With Tom Cruise

Via USA Today:

It’s been a minute since we’ve seen Tom Cruise in action, but has he makes his promo rounds for the latest Mission: Impossible movie, he’s participating in the usual talk-show stunts, like Jimmy Fallon’s always hilarious Lip Sync Battle. And although we had our doubts, Tommy Boy absolutely killed it. No, really. Tell us you’re not dying as he starts with the opening notes of The Weekend’s Can’t Feel My Face. EPIC.

Cruise as Ellen Foley is really the best bit. Approved by Xenu.

This Week's National Enquirer

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Church Of Scientology Dedicates Massive "Superpowers" Headquarters In Florida

After 15 years of construction, the Church of Scientology has dedicated a massive new headquarters building in St. Petersburg, Florida. The upper floors of the building will be devoted to unleashing the dozens of superpowers that we all apparently possess.

“Super Power,” first unveiled by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, is one's ability to hone in on 57 senses called "perceptics." The original five senses — sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch — were found not enough. The Flag Building, nicknamed the "Super Power" building, will specifically feature exclusive programs on expanding one’s “perceptics.” Among its generally secretive program's features is an antigravity simulator, various exercise machines, and a gyroscope-like apparatus that spins blindfolded riders around, a scientologist previously told the Tampa Bay Times after attending similar courses in Los Angeles. The spinning contraption is said to improve perception of compass direction, one of the 57 "perceptics." Some of the other "perceptics" the programs aim to help members master are personal size, blood circulation, fields/magnetic, sound direction, emotional state of groups, and perception of conclusions (past and present).

One of those 57 superpowers has got to be creating an illusion of heterosexuality.

Suri Cruise To Launch Fashion Line

Seven year-old Suri Cruise, daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, has reportedly signed a $2.3M deal to launch her own fashion line.

“Suri is only seven but she is incredibly interested in clothes. She has been through a very difficult year and adapted amazingly to her new life in New York, including the upheaval of starting normal school,” a source tells the newspaper. “This is a nice hobby for her, it’s certainly not going to take over her life. Most girls dream of being able to make their own clothes, this just means her drawings will now become a reality. It’ll be interesting to see how it pans out, there’s nothing around quite like it.” Apparently Suri’s mom, Katie, helped put the wheels in motion on the project along with her longtime friend and stylist-turned-designer Jeanne Yang. The duo also have their own collection called Holmes & Yang.

RELATED: Three years ago then 14 year-old Lourdes Ciccone co-launched the Material Girl brand with her mother.

UPDATE: Katie Holmes is denying the story "100%" in an interview with Vogue.

From Katie To Queens To Teblows

Musto calls it "the best headline in history." But which one is he referring to?

Tom Cruise Sues Tabloids For $50M

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Talkin' About TomKat

Manhunt Wants Tom

You May Commence Gossiping

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TRAILER: Rock Of Ages

Suri Cruise Calls For Help

From Buzzfeed's 40 Funniest Celebrity Candids Of 2009.

Cruise + Travolta: Scientology Stars To Remake Homoerotic Cowboy Classic

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, the classic 1969 western often cited for its homoerotic undertones, is going to be remade by the two Hollywood stars most frequently rumored to be gay. Add Scientology into the mix and you get....huh?

Tom Cruise will reportedly team up with pal John Travolta in a remake of the 1960s western Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. The surrogate father of Scientology plans to produce the remake through his United Artists Studio and is currently in talks with scriptwriters, a new report claims. A source tells The Daily Mirror: “Butch and Sundance is a labor of love for Tom. He was eight years old when he saw the original and it made an impression that has stayed with him all his life. He can’t wait to get to work.” Tom hopes to revive the role of Sundance–played by Robert Redford in the original film–while 55-year-old John is expected to play Cassidy. The 46-year-old star even got the blessing of Paul Newman – who originally played the role of Cassidy in the film about a pair of lovable bank robbers–before he died of lung cancer last September, tattles tell the tab.

I wonder if they'll re-do the scene where Butch and Sundance ride the same horse all day.

Show Him The Money

And moving to News Of The Deranged, Tom Cruise is coming to Manhattan next week to host a $100,000 per table fundraiser to benefit a Scientology "New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project", which claims to be able to detoxify cops, firefighters and rescue workers who were exposed to poisons during the World Trade Center rescue. Crazy, right? Even crazier, this bullshit hocus-pocus act has been given hundreds of thousands of dollars by the city, even though experts call the project "medical mumbo-jumbo". Some rescue workers are onboard for the procedure, which involves large doses of niacin and sitting in a sauna for up to five hours, which doctors warn can be very dangerous.

INRI

The Church Of Scientology thinks that Tom Cruise is the messiah. I don't know, I always expected God to be, you know, taller. And a top.
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