100 Ways To Die In Movies

Note: This is as gory as you'd expect.

ASAP Science: Horrifying Parasites

You probably shouldn't watch this before breakfast.

Seen Outside The Former St. Vincent's

As if the closure of St. Vincent's Hospital wasn't enough of a stab to the heart of the West Village, the developers of the "individually crafted, high-end, state-of-the-art, luxury living" condos on that site have decided to jump up and down on the corpse. (Via my pal Mark)

LOUSIANA: Anti-Gay Pastor Grant Storms Convicted For Jerking Off Near Playground

Infamous anti-gay New Orleans Pastor Grant Storms, seen above-right leading one of his annual "perversion sweeps" during Southern Decadence, was convicted yesterday of public masturbation near a children's playground.

Storms, 55, who lives in Metairie, declined to comment after the conviction. Judge Ross LaDart of the 24th Judicial District Court, who presided over the daylong trial because Storms waived a jury, did not even break to deliberate. He promptly found Storms guilty of the single count of obscenity. He sentenced Storms to three years of probation, citing no evidence of a criminal history. LaDart also ordered Storms to be evaluated, apparently psychologically. The judge noted that in Storms' confession, he admitted that Feb. 25, 2011, the day he was arrested, was the third time that week that he masturbated in Lafreniere Park.

"Lafreniere Park is a public place," LaDart said in announcing the verdict. "Lafreniere Park is a place that was chosen by this defendant to engage in a history of masturbation." Storms declined to testify. His attorneys, Brett Emmanuel and Donald Cashio, did not overtly deny their client masturbated in the park but argued he never exposed his penis. The exposure was a necessary element of the obscenity charge. In his confession, Storms told Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office Sgt. Kevin Balser he had taken a break from his grass cutting business to sip a beer in the park, where he said he became "horny."

Following Storms' arrest last year, numerous Southern Decadence 2011 revelers celebrated with mocking costumes. (Tipped by JMG reader WWWest)

Four Horsemen, Clip-Clop, Clip-Clop

Rains Flood NYC Subway

Yesterday's deluge in NYC may have brought about the welcome end to this summer's fourth heat wave, but it also flooded numerous subway platforms. Personally, I wouldn't slog through subway grunge for a gajillion dollars. Rat bodies and human waste? Fuhgeddaboudit.

Maggie's First Date Is With Her Father

In response to the DNC's fictional Julia character, the Family Research Council has launched "Maggie", a righteous Christian female who is from a "Godly intact family" and whose first date is with her father. Shudder. Maggie is a virgin on her wedding night and never ever sucks her husband's cock. Which is how Jesus wants it.

RELATED: The FRC suggests the hashtag #IAmMaggie for tweets about how Christian women should behave. Have some fun with that!

The Santorum Cocktail

Now being served in Brooklyn.

“People really like it even though it’s named after something gross — both the person and the Dan Savage meaning,” said John Rauschenberg, co-owner of Pacific Standard. “It’ll be an election fixture at least until primary season is over.” The duo behind the beer hole near St. Mark’s Place often put out cocktails with suggestive names, such as the Corn Holed Fashioned or Mike Gallego’s Cup. But the Santorum, a milky mixture of Baileys, orange vodka, bitters and chocolate flakes, seems to be sticking. We won’t explain how the drink matches up with an alternate definition of the word “Santorum,” as The Brooklyn Paper is a family publication — but the bar’s liberal proprietors are certain it’ll satisfy any boozy desires.

The Duggar's Guide To Subservience

At a recent "lecture" human clown car Michelle Duggar passed out a brochure outlining the seven important ways a woman needs to be subservient to her man. Among the categories are physical, spiritual, and financial submission. Not listed is the need to squirt out a baby approximately every eleven months for twenty years. Here's the full list.

NEW YORK: Heterosexual Married Man Accused Of Dog-Fucking

Frothy was right! Gay marriage has brought man-on-dog fucking right here to New York! Oh, wait...

Residents and other associates of a popular building superintendent are finding it impossible to fathom that the married father could have molested a tenant’s Labrador retriever at the Rye Colony apartment complex.“It’s unbelievable,” said Kris Lumaj, who does renovation work at Rye Colony and has known the super for years. “That’s an animal, you know. He’s got a wife and two kids, has no criminal record. I don’t know anybody who’d say anything bad about him.”

Reportedly he was busted on a spycam set up because tenants suspected that somebody was entering their apartment while they were at work. That's not all he was entering.

Today's New York Daily News

Today's edition of the New York Daily News features a repulsively fawning 24-page "wrap-around" on newly-minted Cardinal Timothy Dolan, who allegedly "brings joy to millions." (And who hides millions in church assets from the victims of pedophiles. Also allegedly.) The inset in the right-hand corner is the actual front page for today, which you don't get to until after thumbing through dozens of pages of rah-rah reporting from the Vatican.

Jingoistic Pandering For $100, Alex

If I have to hear Mitt Romney sing one more time, I just might hurl up bloody chunks of red, white and bleueeeegh.

Operators Are Standing By

(Via - Good As You)

Duggars Endorse Frothy Mix

Ma & Pa Duggar and 12 of their 19 children drove to Iowa last night to endorse Rick Santorum. "All the people in America that have conservative family values have to get behind Rick Santorum for President," Jim-Bob Duggar said. We can only presume that the Duggar reality show film crew was on the scene.

Headline Of The Day

As I predicted, the repulsive Duggars are already exploiting the miscarriage of what would have been their 20th child. Stand by for the above image to appear on coffee mugs and mousepads.

SPOILER: The Walking Dead

Stay out of the comments if you've not yet seen tonight's season opener. Otherwise dive in and dish!

No No No No No

Gizmodo's Sam Biddle takes a dim view of a new smartphone app that offers the use of your home bathroom to people that you have friended on Facebook.

The crew behind CLOO, who apparently think putting a sassy salsa soundtrack to their demo video somehow makes the notion of a stranger coming in off the street and taking a shit in your bathroom (or doing Christ only knows what else) more palatable, are incorrect in their assumption. Unless I need spare dollars to feed the worst heroin addiction mankind has ever known, or am conducting a social experiment to see how many times I can be strangled to death, I don't want strangers in my apartment using my bathroom. I don't want strangers in my apartment baking cakes. I don't want strangers in my apartment reading to me as I fall asleep. I don't want strangers in my apartment.

We concur.

Ben, You're Always Running Here & There

Get ready to scream.

(Via - Gothamist)

Do Not Want

The Brussel Sprouts Whopper, now on sale at Burger King in the UK. Surprisingly, it's not going over too well.

Gay-Themed Coffins On Sale On Germany

And here you thought that rainbow Xmas tree was the most horrible thing you'd see today.

Funeral directors in Germany are bidding for the pink pound - by launching coffins specially designed for gay customers. The caskets feature homoerotic artwork on the outside and come with a series of tastefully luxurious plush designer interiors, say makers Mike Konigsfeld and Tom Brandl in Cologne, Germany. The designers - who have lived together for more than 10 years - say the images of muscular young men in classical poses are the perfect way to send off a loved one. "Naturally there were some people who threw their hands up in horror when we had them on display in the window but they are tasteful and beautiful - like our customers," explained Mike.

Aaand cue the Freepers.

-"Discount for friends of the deceased who were infected by him with AIDS?"
-"I think the high-end one comes with an eternal flaming."
-"That will give archaeologists something to chuckle over in 1,000 years. ‘Don’t open that one George, no telling what they died of."
-"Most gay men only live to about age 40 or so. This article is telling us that gay men are not living long and that 'gay coffins' are in big demand. This is not good news for the gay community. This means their deathstyle is bringing their numbers lower. They are planning their funeral, when just a year ago they were planning their 'gay wedding'."