Patti Lupone Recreates Phone-Snatch

Lupone talked to the New York Times:

"This woman — a very pretty young woman — was sitting with her boyfriend or husband. We could see her text. She was so uninterested. She showed her husband what she was texting. We talked about it at intermission. When we went out for the second act I was very close to her, and she was still texting. I watched her and thought, “What am I going to do?” At the very end of that scene, we all exit. What I normally do is shake the hand of the people in the front row. I just walked over to her, shook her hand and took her phone. I walked offstage and handed it to the stage manager, who gave it to the house manager. I don’t know why they buy the ticket or come to the theater if they can’t let go of the phone. It’s controlling them. They can’t turn it off and can’t stop looking at it. They are truly inconsiderate, self-absorbed people who have no public manners whatsoever. I don’t know what to do anymore. I was hired as an actor, not a policeman of the audience. It’s getting worse. I’m hired to tell a story, and it takes a lot of effort and work to do that convincingly. It’s a handful of people who destroy that experience for everyone. It’s heartbreaking. Theater is not a social event."

Do Not Mess With Ms. Lupone

Broadway World reports:

According to Broadway World's astute message board posters, the trouble began at the show's matinee performance, which Auggie 27 described as 'Cell Phone Hell.' The post reads: "The SECOND ACT of the "Shows for Days" matinee today was besieged with cell phone ringing, first one long unanswered call that threatened to ring for the rest of the performance, and then two or more which resulted in someone leaping up and answering in the semi-opened door. At the same time, a hearing aid apparently went haywire, and buzzed into the ether for the remainder." Ms. LuPone kept her cool throughout the performance, but rightfully reached her limit during the evening performance when she noticed the texting attendee. Lincoln Center has confirmed to Broadway World that the incident did in fact occur.

Broadway World also notes that last week an audience member tried to charge his phone in a fake onstage electrical socket during a performance of Hand To God.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

Usually these posts reference New York Times columnist Steven Petrow's advice on social niceties like how to decline an invitation to a gay wedding. This question, however, was posed to the founder of the gay hook-up app MISTER.

Dear MISTER Carl, About a month ago, I got dumped because I cheated on my boyfriend. I know, I'm a jerk, blah, blah, blah, but my ex decided to get revenge by uploading a bunch of nude pics of me to Tumblr. They were meant for his eyes only, but now they're out there for everyone to see -- and even being reposted on other blogs! I confronted him about it, and he said that's what I get for breaking his heart. I know I was stupid for sending them in the first place, but I feel like this is a case of the punishment far outweighing the crime. Is there anything I can do to get them taken down? I have photos of him, too. Should I give him a taste of his own medicine? -- Karma's a Bitch and So Is My Ex

Give us your answer then hit the link for Carl's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: I am a gay woman who tends to dress and identify on the masculine side. I’ll soon be attending a religious service at my extended family’s Orthodox synagogue, requiring modest attire, which means that women are not allowed to wear pants and can be denied entry. I think that as long as I dress respectfully and in the spirit of the religious mandates I should not have to compromise on my gender identity and expression. My family says that I’m being difficult and that “when in Rome …” Of course, there is no chance my relatives would dress according to a code I prescribed for an event if it conflicted with their religious identity. So why am I considered “difficult” for not compromising in the expression of my gender identity when they would be considered justified in not compromising their religious expression? — Name withheld

Give us your answer then hit the link to see how Petrow responded.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: I’m a sergeant in the Army, and my girlfriend and I are to meet with a married gay couple (he’s an officer). I am not sure how to introduce her to my friend’s married partner. Do I say, “Jennifer, this is Colonel Smith and his husband, Mr. Andrews?” (He kept his own last name.) I don’t want to sound rude or insensitive (plus he outranks me a lot and I don’t want to do push-ups for the rest of my life — LOL). Any guidance you have will be much appreciated. – Yankee Rebel, U.S. Army

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: I’d like your advice in coming out as H.I.V. positive to friends and colleagues. I’m married to a wonderful man, 51, and have lived quite well with the virus for 15 years. I believe it’s important for the many others still finding out they are H.I.V. positive to see people like me who are living well and openly with the infection. While I’ve never specifically hidden the fact of my serostatus, it’s always been a bit of work to tell others. I find there’s concern that I’m sick. Some people fear I have a potentially life-threatening disease, others say they are “sorry” (what are they sorry for?), while still others imply that my behavior led to my infection (“he should have known better”). From your perspective, what’s your advice on how (or if) people who learn that they’re H.I.V. positive should tell others (I’m not asking about dating situations). And, how do you recommend that those I tell respond to my disclosure?” — Timothy Rodrigues, Healdsburg, Calif.

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: Mike, my partner for 13 years, and I worked with a local attorney to prepare our wills and related documents. Before we could finalize all of our financial affairs, however, Mike was diagnosed with a rare brain virus that strikes some H.I.V./AIDS patients. Six weeks later, I held Mike’s hand as he took his final breath in our home. During his final difficult days, Mike’s mother, father and sisters seemed disinterested in his illness. Recently my attorney learned that Mike’s parents have instructed the funeral home not to provide the documentation that I need to file Mike’s estate. In addition, Mike’s co-workers and friends have abandoned me, turning their backs and adding to my emotional distress. Now I’m struggling with how to address the individuals who disrespected my beloved’s final wishes and added to my emotional distress during the early days of my bereavement. I’ll be grateful for any advice you can share. — John Moriarty, Kansas City, Mo.

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

NOTE: The above is from Petrow's August 20th column, which I missed. But the issue is certainly worthy of discussion a week later.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: When the Supreme Court allowed same-sex marriages in California to resume in June, my partner and I (together for nearly two decades) celebrated our community’s long overdue equality. But it seems to have given license to everybody to start nudging us toward the altar. I don’t go around challenging straight couples I know about when they will tie the knot, and I’m tired of explaining my own longstanding ambivalence toward state-sanctioned marriage. Committed partnerships can be noble, with or without government imprimatur. So how do I handle these well-meaning but presumptuous questions about marriage (usually from straight people) without sounding like a grump? — Name withheld, San Francisco

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: I am going on a five-city tour overseas with a longtime friend of mine who happens to be gay (I am straight). Another old friend lives in one of the cities we’ll be visiting, and she wants to meet up and show me around. But she’s not that open-minded about gays (she knows he’s gay), so I’d be spending the day with her alone. How can I tell my travel companion I’m taking a detour to see an old friend but he can’t come? It’s really a dilemma for me. Any advice is greatly appreciated. — Terrado, age 61

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Q. Dear Civil Behavior: I’m 53, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother and a friend. And I am gay. I was raised in a conservative Southern Baptist Church in Tennessee, and I had spent a lifetime living in hiding and hating myself because of my sexual orientation. I eventually reached a point last year when I could no longer deny that I am gay, and I convinced myself that it would be better for me to die rather than risk bringing shame to my children and family by telling the truth. I had a plan and the means to carry out my plan, and I had chosen the date when I planned to commit suicide. Some things happened to stop me that day, and I eventually told a friend the truth. Shortly thereafter, I told my children, my extended family and those closest to me. I write a daily blog, and on Jan. 1, I posted my “coming out” entry. I’ve lost many friends and a few family members since my admission. And the church where I had been a member for over 20 years has completely shunned me. But for the first time in my life, I am being honest with myself and learning to love myself for who I am. As I continue to interact with people who are not accepting of my sexuality, what advice could you give me on how to treat them now? — Name withheld

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Dear Civil Behavior: If the Supreme Court allows same-sex couples to marry again in California, we plan to be at the head of the line. This would be the second time that my husband and I would be getting married, since our first marriage [in 2004] was annulled by the state Supreme Court. We’re going to have a much bigger event this time and want to set up a gift registry. But is it tacky to do that for “a second marriage?” - Anonymous

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

The Advent Of The Lesbian Bridezilla

Today's Toronto Star features a story about how a lesbian bride reacted to a wedding gift basket.  As JMG reader David notes via email, perhaps the most interesting part of the story is how the bride's sexual orientation isn't even mentioned other than in a passing reference to her bride.

Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!” Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins. “I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”

It sounds like a Miss Manners hypothetical, but this was the drama that played out at a recent Hamilton wedding. Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll “normal functioning people” about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride’s reaction was rude.

A poll at the newspaper's site shows that by a 9-1 margin, readers feel the bride was in the wrong.  Readers are evenly split as to whether the gift itself was tacky.

Paris Works To Be Nicer

The tourism bureau of Paris has issued a politeness training manual for locals.

Rude guides, miserable waiters, unhelpful shop staff - these are just a few of the complaints visitors to Paris often make about the city. And it seems tourism chiefs have finally got the message. In the future, visitors may find themselves more welcome, more at home, and better understood in the French capital, thanks to a new manual that will be handed out to those who work in the tourism industry or who come into regular contact with visitors. The 'Do you speak touriste?' campaign, run jointly by the Paris chamber of commerce (CCI) and the regional tourism committee (CRT), was launched on Tuesday. It consists of a manual, which is being sent out to 30,000 tourism industry professionals, as well as a website.

A tourism official notes that British tourists typically want friendliness and a fun experience, while Americans expect speed, efficiency, and a "mastery of English."

NEW YORK CITY: Theater Critic Tosses Cell Phone Of Audience Member

Two days ago libertarian author and National Review theater critic Kevin D. Williamson was slapped by an audience member sitting next to him after he grabbed her cell phone and threw it towards the exit. He was then ejected by theater management. The incident has since spawned discussions on numerous sites, but not everybody is defending his action. Today Williamson spoke to Playbill.

"It's bench seating there in the back, so she was basically in my lap," said Williamson. "I asked her politely if she'd put [her cell phone] away because it was distracting, and her response was, 'So don't look.'" After a back-and-forth argument, Williamson grabbed the patron's cell phone and tossed it across the room — aiming for the exit. The angered theatregoer slapped Williamson and "stormed out," crossing directly in front of the action in Natasha, Pierre. "Maybe ten minutes later," Williamson continued, "the security guy came and got me, and that was that." "At that point, there was already a fair disruption underway," he said. "She'd gotten quite loud when I was trying to talk her into behaving herself. Yeah, unquestionably what I did was a disruption, [but] I think I can make the case that I did it in the greater good, [although] it wasn't quiet."

Williamson's Twitter feed has been quite active since the phone-throwing.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Dear Civil Behavior: I’ve been helping my daughter plan her wedding to her girlfriend and everything’s been going fine — until now. We’re about to address the invitations. The calligrapher is lined up and time is getting a bit short. Here’s the problem. My daughter insists on addressing the women with what I’d call a feminist version of their names. In other words, instead of writing “Mr. and Mrs. Richard Garcia” she wants to write: “Ms. Jane Garcia and Mr. Richard Garcia,” calling out the identity of the woman separately from her husband. I’ve explained that this is incorrect etiquette and that my friends will be confused if not offended. But she won’t listen to me. Do lesbians and gays have different rules for this sort of thing? — New York Mother-in-Law-to-Be.

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Dear Civil Behavior: My partner and I are in our early 30s and we’re planning to formally commit our lives to each other. We’re struggling with our guest list, though. We both have a number of family members — in my case, my parents and seven older siblings — who don’t support our relationship. They’re all highly educated, reasonably intelligent people but only one of my sisters-in-law is comfortable allowing us around her children. No one is vitriolic about it, but they feel responsible to shelter their children (who range from newborn to 18) from the idea that two men can love each other. How can I strike a balance between issuing invitations to all who deserve to know about the occasion (my parents did raise me to be polite, after all), while making it clear that we only want people to attend the ceremony if they will pledge to support our relationship, and actually celebrate the occasion?

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

At The Yeah Yeah Yeahs Concert

Details.

Today In Gay Etiquette

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times:

Dear Civil Behavior: Someone I knew decades ago when I was in college identified as transgender pre-op. Lately, this person looked me up online and started an e-mail chain. They informed me they had changed their name from a distinctly masculine one to a gender-neutral name, but didn’t really explain. On the one hand, since we discussed the transgender issue quite extensively back in the day, I feel that basic politeness and, of course, an interest in catching up would suggest that I inquire about whether the person has fully changed gender. On the other hand, one doesn’t want to be intrusive around a potentially delicate topic. Is there a polite way to ask, “Did you have surgery?”

Give us your own response, then hit the link and see what Petrow had to say.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times comes this question:

Dear Civil Behavior: I recently joined a gay Alcoholics Anonymous meeting after many years denying I had a drinking problem. Now I have a new problem: My birthday is coming up, and every year I throw myself a party to celebrate. This year is a “big” birthday for me, and friends are asking what wild and crazy party I’ll be hosting this time around. Truthfully, I’m uncomfortable hosting a big drinking party this year — I don’t even want to have alcohol in my apartment at all. Should I just cancel it? Or should I host it but serve only nonalcoholic drinks? And what do I tell my friends, many of whom don’t know about my joining A.A.? As a gay man, it feels as if I’m coming out all over again. — Anonymous

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.

Today's Gay Etiquette Question

From Steven Petrow's Civil Behavior column in the New York Times:

Dear Civil Behavior: As the only male grandchild among four — as well as the only gay one — I have watched with chagrin as several generations’ worth of formal dinnerware, silverware and other domestic heirlooms were passed down to my sister and female cousins. Some of these are valuable, some not. But they all hold just as much meaning for me as for the women in my family. I celebrated the same holidays with these heirlooms as they did, and I attach my own memories of my grandmothers to them. I feel churlish speaking up about it, but it seems unfair that the lion’s share of these keepsakes should pass to the distaff (hetero) side. (Besides, my sister and cousins all used their wedding registries to order their own beautiful new china and silver – another tradition denied to me.) Am I being oversensitive to the gendering of heirlooms and just let it pass? Or should I elbow my way in and say, “this queen deserves her Limoges too”? —"A California Fresh Heir”

Give us your answer then hit the link for Petrow's response.