Robert Jeffress: Don't Be Discouraged, Obergefell Is Speeding Return Of Jesus

Third Eagle Of Apocalypse: Jesus Will Have Putin Destroy USA Over Marriage

Today's Top Story On World Net Daily

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Rick Wiles: God Is Killing The Bees, Turkeys, Chickens, & Pigs Because Gays

The Dildo Of Death

Literally. Via Awesomely Luvvie:

I don’t understand humanity sometimes, and of course we’re heading for doom. Stephen Hawking said so and now I’m sure of it. I read an article yesterday about a dildo you can order with your loved one’s ashes inside. Don’t let something like death preclude your boo from having a hand in your pleasure life. DON’T LET IT. It is called 21 Grams, and was created by a dude named Mark Sturkenboom. He put the dildo as part of a package of mementos for your lost love. And it comes in a music box that is opened with a necklace. Is this travel-friendly? Let’s say you’re going somewhere and you’re not checking in your luggage, will be you able to take this through airport security? Will TSA stop you and confiscate your Ash Rabbit? Is this guaranteed to never break? I hope this dildo is sealed REALLY well because if it breaks somehow and powder of the dead ends up in your vaginal walls… talk about traumatic. 

Ash Rabbit. Hit the link for many hysterical comments. This one put me on the floor: "If you can’t make them come back from the dead, at least the dead can make you come from the back." (Tipped by JMG reader Jeff)

Bachmann: Christians Should Rejoice Because Jesus Christ Will Be Here Any Minute Thanks To Barack Obama

A Remake Of CNN's Doomsday Video

Michelle Bachmann: Obama Has Brought The World Into The End Times

Satan Crashed That German Airliner

Today's Solar Eclipse From Space

Grey skies blotted out today's solar eclipse for many Europeans who were in the right place to observe it, but the European Space Agency has provided a brief time-lapse from its Proba-2 satellite. Today's eclipse is especially rare as it took place on the vernal equinox during a "supermoon." And that means the end times have begun, of course.

WorldNetDaily, an American site that is roughly affiliated with the American political right, reported that biblical experts believe that the message is a sign of judgment from God to those on Earth. The co-founder of Christian website Root Source, Bob O’Dell, told WND that the message was a sign of judgment. The eclipse will be total across the North Pole, and so is not pointed at anyone in particular. “The North Pole can’t really be called the territory of any particular nation or people,” O’Dell told the site. “This is likely a message from God to the entire world.” But since the eclipse will most affect those in northern Europe, the message should be especially heeded by people there, according to a pastor interviewed by WND. “In Jewish tradition, a total solar eclipse is a warning to the Gentiles and a sign of judgment on the nations,” he told the paper. “When we look at where the darkness will be, it will be in northern European countries like England and Sweden where we see the rise of Islam and anti-Israel sentiment. Europeans especially should take heed.”

Third Eagle Of The Apocalypse Has Phallic Neckline Challenge For Anderson Cooper

Cal Thomas: The End Times Schedule Calls For SCOTUS To Approve Marriage

"I think it’s going to go 5-4 or even 6-3 in favor of same-sex marriage. All of these things are not the cause of our decadence, they’re a reflection of it, If you read the Scriptures, as I do, in both testaments all of these things are forecast in prophesies, in the book of Daniel and what Jesus and Paul said, so I'm not worried about it. I say everything is right on schedule. I’m trying to shore up my own family first and, hopefully, that will be an example to other people. If you look at not only what Jesus said, but Paul the Apostle, about what things would be like in the end times, people will be lovers of lies rather than the truth. They will elevate things that are called abomination in scripture to normality. All of the prophesies up to the final ones have come true. And that’s why I say that everything is right on schedule." - Wingnut commentator and USA Today columnist Cal Thomas, speaking to Michelangelo Signorile at CPAC.

Liberty Counsel: God Will Destroy America Over Obama's Treatment Of Israel

"I believe God is sending a warning to America to stop siding with Israel’s enemies. President Obama and Secretary of State Kerry are actively campaigning against the interests of the nation of Israel – our greatest ally and the only democracy in the Middle East. Prime Minister Netanyahu has become a political target to the Obama administration for speaking the truth! Barack Obama obviously does not understand the potential fallout from his administration’s dangerous actions. The Bible says that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob – Israel’s omnipotent defender – takes very seriously all attempts to harm His people, the Jews. In the book of Joel, we read that God will ultimately judge the nations that try to divide the land of Israel – something the Obama White House has consistently proposed. And Zechariah 12:9 plainly says, 'I will seek to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem.' Liberty Counsel holds that America has been blessed by God because our national policy has been favorable toward the nation of Israel since its founding in 1948. If we allow the Obama administration to subvert this policy, a price will be paid!" - Liberty Counsel head Mat Staver, in a posting to a website which has twice published columns from advocates of executing homosexuals.

Scott Lively has The Pre-SCOTUS Sadz

"Absent a miracle from God or unprecedented massive wave of popular protest by America’s Christians (which would be a miracle in itself), the United States Supreme Court will declare a constitutional right to 'gay marriage'; by judicial fiat sometime this year. I expect some sort of severe judgment to fall on America in conjunction with this process. [snip] After weeks or months of global chaos, when the nations are sufficiently broken and the peoples of the world desperate for a return to order, a hero will step upon the world stage to end the crisis. In the human context he will secretly represent the globalist elites who have planned and prepared for this opportunity to impose a new world order: a new global government with a new economic system. In the spiritual context he will be enacting a Satanic plot to usurp the role and identity of the Messiah and gain the adulation of the world." - Scott Lively, who doesn't want to be called anti-gay.

UPDATE: Lively's column has been republished by Matt Barber with the below illustration.

Gina Miller Melts Down Over Marriage

You'll remember BarbWire columnist Gina Miller from her claim that trans teens are possessed by demons among other similar batshittery. Today she gives Linda Harvey a run for her money with rant about the Supreme Court turning America into a smoking ruin called Sodom West, where godless Marxists and militant homosexual perverts will rule the post-apocalyptic "last terrible days." Hooray!

John Hagee: God Will Destroy America Because Obama Isn't Meeting Netanyahu

Hagee says that Britain has been reduced from a global empire to "one tiny island because, since Edward the First, they have been and remain an anti-Semitic nation." And that will happen to America because of Obama's treatment of Israel.

PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: John Hagee says that all atheists should get out of America. John Hagee says atheism is stupid because atheists have never faith-healed anybody. John Hagee says that God killed all those people with Hurricane Katrina in order to send a warning about homosexuality. John Hagee says that Sodom and Gomorrah was only a test run for what God will do to America because of gay marriage. John Hagee calls for a preemptive nuclear strike on Iran because Jesus wants us to protect Israel. John Hagee says the Holocaust happened because Jews refuse to accept Jesus.

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Pastor Rick Wiles: Russia Will Nuke The United States Over Gay Rights

PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: Wiles says God will destroy America and the survivors will be the "slaves of sodomites." Wiles says ebola could solve "America's problem with gays and atheists." Last year he declared that MSNBC viewers are "demon-possessed fans of the anti-Christ." And then there was that time he declared that God sent a plague of locusts to Egypt because Obama.

How To Become An End Times Co-Prophet

Danny Devito Is The Anti-Christ

Here's the latest from the Third Eagle Of The Apocalypse and Co-Prophet Of The End Times. Not only is Danny Devito the anti-Christ, a red couch seen in the latest One Direction video "symbolizes the second horseman of the apocalypse." Red furniture is from Satan.