SEATTLE: Crackpot Stages Straight Pride Parade, Is Only One To Show Up

Via Seattle Gay Scene:

Yesterday, Facebook lit up at the realization of a planned “Heterosexual Pride Parade” throughout Seattle’s Capitol Hill gayborhood on July 25th. Anthony Rebello, a hetero-activist of sorts, created the event to “celebrate (his) right to be heterosexual, and to encourage younger heterosexuals that they should be proud of their heterosexuality.” Of course, Seattle’s LGBT community collectively pounced on the event page and let loose with their unfiltered thoughts on the ill-advised event, especially the route that Mr. Rebello had chosen for his parade. Well, after all the comment-wars on the event page, Anthony Rebello was the only ignorant fool in attendance for the first ever Seattle Heterosexual Pride Parade. Better luck next year, bro!

Hit the link for quotes from the charming Mr. Rebello. (Tipped by JMG reader Lynda)

Paging Brian Brown

(Tipped by JMG reader Lynda)

Humor Fail From Catholic Vote

Still stinging from national ridicule over its Not Alone video, Catholic Vote tries to make a funny: 

The Catholic owners of “Joe’s Hardware” in Atchison, Kansas are defending themselves against a federal lawsuit that accuses them of violating equal protection laws because they refused to sell a same-sex extension cord to a customer last month. The plaintiff in the lawsuit is Flip Rosco, a poodle trainer from Greenwich Village. During a press conference announcing the lawsuit, Mr. Rosco caused some initial confusion when he was asked what he was doing in Atchison in the first place. “Looking for a Catholic hardware store to sue,” he proclaimed, to a few raised eyebrows. “Love wins,” he quickly added, which seemed to satisfy the assembled crowd. Joe and Abby Smith, the owners of the family-run hardware business and long-time members at St. Agnes, the local parish, were caught completely off guard by the allegations. The Smiths are adamant that they didn’t discriminate against anyone.

A poodle trainer from Greenwich Village. Oh my sides.

Crazy Eyes Suffers Final Hilarious Fail

Via Mother Jones:

What happened to her big protest? Bachmann's office did not respond to a request for comment. A TPP spokesman said in an email that the "gathering in Washington is not a Tea Party Patriots event per se, but we are fully in favor of it and have encouraged our supporters in the area to come out if they can." The lackluster response to Bachmann's high-noon call is a far cry from five years ago, when the congresswoman made a similar appeal on Fox for a protest against Obamacare. She asked for tea partiers to hit Capitol Hill and tell legislators "don't you dare take away my health care." And the fledgling tea party movement responded enthusiastically. The Koch-backed Americans for Prosperity dispatched dozens buses full of activists—29 just from New Jersey. FreedomWorks, then headed by former House majority leader Dick Armey, organized more. Glenn Beck promoted the event. Thousands of people showed up, as did the entire GOP House leadership. The momentum generated from that rally helped the GOP in the 2010 midterm elections. Bachmann, after a failed run for the White House, is spending her last days on the Hill writing listicles for BuzzFeed. And even before her final day as a congresswoman, Bachmann, with this non-rally, seems a has-been.

Here's Bachmann's big call for a massive protest, which aired on Fox News on November 20th.

New Kirk Cameron Movie Finishes In 15th Place During First Weekend Of Release

According to Box Office Mojo, Kirk Cameron's new movie Saving Christmas finished in 15th place during its first weekend of release, when it opened on 410 screens nationwide. The film grossed just under one million dollars despite a promotional campaign by the American Family Association and the Family Research Council, among other Christian groups. With a per screen average gross of $2420 and an average ticket price of $8.00, that means a total of about 300 people attended last weekend's 15 showings at each theater. That comes out to a national average of 20 people per showing. But everybody got a great seat!

FRC Hate Rally Draws Non-Crowd

I count exactly ten people visible under the trees. Notice the t-shirt sales tent in the back. That's Perkins on the stage. (Via Scott Wooledge)

Homocon "Ms." Robert Oscar Lopez Tries To File Anti-Gay Brief With Fifth Circuit

Homocon horcrux Robert Oscar Lopez has filed an an amicus brief with the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals in support of Texas' ban on same-sex marriage. At least, he tried to - but if you'll embiggen the above you'll see that the docket notice not only refers to Lopez as "Ms." but points out that he screwed up the filing.

AFA Launches Boycott Of Target

"While other companies are choosing to remain neutral in the culture war, Target is going all out to support homosexual marriage. This is a company whose leaders make a mockery of marriage. They make a mockery of God's Word - and every Christian in this nation should let Target know it is out of step with the majority of Americans who support natural marriage. Are you going to give Target your money, knowing they'll use it to undermine your deeply held beliefs? TAKE ACTION: Target doesn't think you care enough to speak out. In essence, they are saying they don’t think you will take your business elsewhere. I think they underestimate the Christian community. Send your message to Target, urging them to withdraw their support for homosexual marriage and stop undermining long-held American values that marriage is only between one man and one woman." - Posted yesterday to the website of the American Family Association. (Via Good As You)

RELATED: NOM's month-old Target boycott has been the usual hilarious fail. Only 2850 people have bothered to sign NOM's petition. On the day the boycott launched, Target's stock price was $56.99. Yesterday the stock closed at $60.56 - meaning that Target's market cap has increased by $1.83 billion in the last month.

Headline Of The Day

Remember NARTH's boob lady? Turns out she had no idea.

NOM's Boycott Of Target Is Flopping Even Worse Than All Their Other Boycotts

A laughably measly 2583 people have signed NOM's boycott petition for Target since the retail giant submitted pro-gay marriage briefs last week in the states of Wisconsin and Indiana. NOM's 30-month-old boycott petition for Starbucks has yielded 68,745 names - a number that has scarcely budged in the last two years. Their 25-month-old boycott petition for General Mills petered out in the fall of 2012 and the current total of 27,612 names is only a couple of hundred more than a year ago. And of course, the more recent boycott petition for trillion-dollar international banking behemoth JP Morgan Chase remains stalled with barely more than 7000 names. Are you seeing the trend here?

Brian Brown: Boycott Target Even Though All The Other Companies We Boycott Don't Give A Shit What Hate Groups Say

"Dear Marriage Supporter, On Tuesday, the retail giant Target signed on to an amicus brief for the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals in two pending cases challenging the definition of marriage in Indiana and Wisconsin. Target joins with a number of other companies in signing the brief, including the Starbucks Coffee Company. But it is the spirit behind the brief, and its language, which are most noteworthy. The brief uses extremely charged language to refer to laws defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman. It calls them "the states' bans [on same-sex marriage]" and, even more radically, 'marriage discrimination' laws!

"Without providing any rationale at all, the brief states bluntly that 'Same-sex couples should have the same right to marry as opposite-sex couples,' and refers to Indiana and Wisconsin's traditional marriage laws as 'an unproductive, inequitable, and unjust status quo.' Perhaps most ridiculously, the brief—while touting the benefits of pro-LGBT businesses—presents the claim that 'corporate cultures that don't encourage openness and inclusiveness leave employees feeling isolated and fearful.' Well, tell that to the employees at Chase bank.

"Join me in telling Target today that they are out of touch with consumers and they have insulted the millions of Americans who have voted to uphold marriage as the union of a man and a woman—tell them how much we resent being fashioned 'bigots' and 'haters' for doing so! Click here to pledge to take your business elsewhere. Target and its peers in the corporate world need to realize that the countless Americans who believe in marriage as the union of a man and a woman will not stand for being insulted and demeaned. The rash of corporate meddling in the politics of marriage and family will only continue if we do not stand up and say enough is enough. Please join me in this boycott today, and please forward this message to your family and friends urging them to do the same." - Hate group leader Brian Brown, launching his group's fourth hilarious boycott of a major corporation.

Here's what the letter to Target says:

To whom it may concern: I am writing today to pledge that I will be joining a boycott against Target announced by the National Organization for Marriage in response to Target’s insults against pro-marriage Americans in the amicus brief to which the company signed in the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals. Those who believe in marriage as the union of one man and one woman are not bigots or haters. Rather, they recognize the essential meaning of marriage, and stand by the common sense principle that kids do best with a loving mom and dad. Because your company has chosen to support this radical agenda, and to insult me and other pro-family Americans like me, I will be taking my business elsewhere.

NOM's ongoing boycotts of Starbucks, General Mills, and JP Morgan Chase have all been entirely laughable disasters. Stand by for Target's stock to shoot through the roof!

Headlines Of The Day

Hit each headline for the story. And well done.

Viral Audio: Comcastic Disconnect

1.3M listens to this maddening attempt to disconnect Comcast service.

Last week my wife called to disconnect our service with Comcast after we switched to another provider (Astound). We were transferred to cancellations (aka "customer retention"). The representative (name redacted) continued aggressively repeating his questions, despite the answers given, to the point where my wife became so visibly upset she handed me the phone. Overhearing the conversation, I knew this would not be very fun. What I did not know is how oppressive this conversation would be. Within just a few minutes the representative had gotten so condescending and unhelpful I felt compelled to record the speakerphone conversation on my other phone.

Brian Brown: We Had Several Thousand

"Dear Joe, Did you see yesterday's March for Marriage? What a day it was! Several thousand Americans — people from across the spectrum of America — Men and Women, African Americans and Latinos, Orthodox Jews, Evangelicals and Catholics, young and old — stood together in defense of marriage between one man and one woman. There were people from all over the country, and we even got congratulations from the states of Texas and Indiana as they watched the rally online. Texas Values president Jonathan Saenz wrote, 'Marriage is a Texas value, and we stand in unison with the thousands in D.C. today standing for marriage between one man and one woman.' Besides those gathered at the Capitol for the exciting rally, there were thousands more who tuned in to watch the live stream from their own hometowns, making this a truly national event. If you missed it, you can still enjoy all the great speakers and read the news by checking out our exclusive media partner, The Washington Times, and their special March for Marriage section." - Hate group leader Brian Brown, in an email that ignores that his "exclusive media partner" only put the attendance at "hundreds."

FACT CHECK: I monitored the above-cited live stream from beginning to end. Here's where the viewership topped out.

NOM: 10,000 Attended Our Hate March

From the Christian title WORLD Magazine:

This year marks the second annual marriage march, held to ask Congress to define marriage according to traditional, biblical standards. The marchers this year included people of different ages, races, religions, and cultures, all united under the belief that marriage is between a man and a woman. They gathered Thursday on the Capitol lawn to let politicians know the fight for marriage is not over. With gay marriage continuing to gain momentum and acceptance in the nation’s culture, Joe Grabowski, director of communications for the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), said standing for the biblical definition of marriage “can feel like a very lonely position.” NOM organized the march to bring people together. Last year, roughly 7,000 attended. This year, organizers estimated as many as 10,000 joined the procession.

We're still waiting on Brian Brown to comment on the attendance. Let's see if he tries to walk this back.

RELATED: WORLD Magazine is a radio partner with Salem Communications, the owners of Twitchy, Hot Air, and Townhall. In 2011 World named former Exodus International head Alan Chambers its "Daniel Of The Year" for his now-collapsed "ex-gay" bullshit.

NOM's Hate March Attendance Flops

Judging by the crowd's reaction during the Spanish portions, the majority of attendees are there because of New York Sen. Ruben Diaz.

UPDATE: Here's another attendance fail pic by JMG reader Bob. Embiggen for added sparsity.

GOP Meme Fail

Walmart World Cup Fail

Via the Telegraph:

Supermarket Asda has defended a "wearable England flag" it has launched for the World Cup after claims it resembles a Ku Klux Klan outfit. The £3 St George's Cross, with the word "England" on the red cross, features a hood which Asda said was to allow fans to wear it and stay dry despite the unpredictable British weather. But some fans took to Twitter to point out what they believe were similarities with the hoods worn by the racist US organisation, also known by its initials "KKK". A company spokesman said it had also produced a wearable Brazilian flag ahead of the competition, with starts in the South American country on June 12. She added: "We know there's chatter on Twitter about our wearable World Cup flags, but it's simply a flag with a hood – nothing more, nothing less. "We opted for a hood on our wearable England and Brazilian flags as you never know what the British weather will bring. "We want customers to get behind the team without getting wet." The spokesman said there were no plans to withdraw the flag.

Asda is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Walmart and is the UK's third-largest retail chain. (Tipped by JMG reader Lynda)

Headline Of The Day

Snork!

BREAKING: Oregon Judge REJECTS NOM's Motion To Intervene In Marriage Case