Anti-Porn Movement Site: NoFap

Christian news outlet LifeSite today points to the "atheist/agnostic site NoFap" as evidence that "the tide is turning against the porn industry." NoFap, as the name implies, is also an anti-masturbation site. From their main page:

NoFap® hosts challenges in which participants abstain from porn and masturbation. Seize control of your sexuality and turn it into superpowers. Recover from porn-induced sexual dysfunction. Stop objectifying and establish meaningful connections. Improve your interpersonal relationships. Live a more fulfilling life. You’re devoting yourself completely to your significant other instead of random pixilated girls on the internet who you've never met. It’s about enhancing your meaningful relationship, instead of establishing five-minute relationships with virtual girls online.

Apparently, NoFap members engage in one-on-one (ahem) challenges to see who can go the longest without masturbating. And there's a no-edging rule: "Edging is physical stimulation without orgasm. This is masturbation and counts, but it is your call whether it constitutes failure of the challenge. For the vast majority of our users, edging counts as a reset." How many times a day can one reset?

SAN FRANCISCO: Archbishop Decrees That Catholic Staffers Must Not Masturbate

Via the SF Gate:

The conservative Roman Catholic archbishop of San Francisco has developed a new document for Catholic high school faculty and staff clarifying that sex outside of marriage, homosexual relations, the viewing of pornography and masturbation are “gravely evil.” Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone’s document applies to faculty and staff at four Catholic high schools: Riordan and Sacred Heart in San Francisco, Marin Catholic in Kentfield and Serra High School in San Mateo. It states that administrators, faculty and staff “affirm and believe” the controversial statements, which will be part of the faculty handbook. The document goes on to say that marriage is between “one man and one woman,” despite California law allowing same-sex marriages. It also notes that sperm donation, the use of a surrogate and other forms of “artificial reproductive technology” are also gravely evil.

Cordileone, who was arrested for drunk driving in 2012, is considered by some to be the "father" of Proposition 8. Last year he led NOM's hate march against same-sex marriage.

UPDATE: Students have launched a petition against the new "morality" edicts.

We call on the Archbishop to cease his efforts to institute outdated and discriminatory “morality clauses,” to retain workplace protections and to allow Catholic school teachers to focus on the work they are doing to educate thousands of Bay Area children. The proposed changes directly contradict the Pope’s teachings, the Catholic values of inclusion and diversity, and the free and open exchange of ideas, which is the hallmark of a good education. They create a culture of fear that denies staff the right to follow their own individual consciences and harms students. As people of faith who value education, equality and freedom of conscience, we ask the Archbishop to remove this language immediately.

Paging You-Know-Who....

Via AdWeek:

Carl's Jr./Hardee's isn't a shy fast-food chain. But this time they've traded oiled-up models for innuendo. I won't spoil the new spots, but let's just say they aren't too subtle. The approach shouldn't be too surprising, as this is the same restaurant chain that once asked people if they preferred A holes or B holes. I am curious as to how they expect people to eat these Cinnamon Pull-Aparts anywhere (wouldn't the icing drip?), but I will give them points for having both men and women allude to masturbation. Kudos?

(Tipped by JMG reader Arthur)

Cult Of Dusty Vlogger Takes On Latest Christian Anti-Masturbation Campaign

Yesterday I posted the latest Christian anti-masturbation video, which potty-mouthed Cult Of Dusty vlogger dissects below. This guy continues to SLAY me. 

Satan Wants You To Masturbate

Fappers = wounded soldiers. Or something.

(Via Christian Nightmares)

Top Porn Search Terms By State

Gizmodo tells us:

It's everyone's favorite time of year—the birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, and PornHub has just released a big, ol' sticky mess of data about the country's porn habits. And the conclusion? The MILF is alive and well, Nevada is weirdly into adult film star Anita Queen, and anyone invested in the porn industry needn't worry—America says "yes" to porn. Among the many interesting little tidbits, the fresh load of data makes us privy to each individual states' top three search terms as well as the—er, duration of an individual's visit to that particular corner of the internet.

PornHub's interactive data map is here.

May The Fap Be With You

May is National Masturbation Month.

Satan's Plot: Gays And Masturbation

"The practice of homosexuality and self-pleasure, are age old systems, being recharged and reorganized for end-time warfare. It is being orchestrated from the diabolical realms of the supernatural and manifested on earth, with the overall intention, to silence the church forever. These actions, by satan, is an all out declaration of victory, as the church finds itself caught off guard and intertwined in his evil end-time warafre, strategies and systems." - Apostolic Prophetess Janice Fountaine, co-founder of the New Independent Christian Party, which launched yesterday. (Via  Rob Tisinai)

Competition For Ladyfingers

Details.

Porn Stars Against Santorum

Are you ready for Wank Fest 2012?

Church Sign Of The Day

Source.

Today In Mildly Interesting Trivia

After more than two years, Ladyfingers has finally been dethroned as the #1 search item that brings folks to JMG. At least for the last 30 days, anyway. Also: Jeff Conaway?

The Strange Goal Of Mister PeePee

Starbucks Gossip reports that some dude with the Twitter handle Mister PeePee is working on his goal of masturbating in every Starbucks in New York City. Presumably only in the bathrooms, but who knows? And as things go these day, Mister PeePee has a podcast. Remember, gay people are the weird ones. (Via - Gothamist)

Quote Of The Day - Pastor Mark Driscoll

"Masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he's watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body." - Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle's Mars Hill Church.

Maggie Gallagher: I Still Love Ladyfingers

NOM usually deletes my comments from their blog, but Maggie Gallagher yesterday responded to my comment on their post congratulating Miss Ladyfingers USA on the birth of her baby. Gallagher may claim to have "never backed away" from Ladyfingers, but those of us who monitored their website daily at the time noted the complete scrubbing of all previous mentions of Prejean.

NOM To Sue Over Ladyfingers?

When Carrie "Ladyfingers" Prejean was busted for homemade porn videos in which she explored her tingly no-no parts, NOM burned rubber in distancing themselves from their former hero. However Michael Musto today reports an interesting development.

Well, outside Sister Act last night, a guy approached me and said, "Hi, Michael, I'm Keith Lewis from the Miss California USA pageant." "Oh, you're the one who ripped the crown off Carrie," I noted, grinning. "Congrats!" "Well, now we're being sued by NOM," he informed me, meaning the National Organization for Marriage group that Carrie had been a spokesperson for. The suit has something to do with NOM accusing the pageant of releasing damaging (i.e. true) info about Carrie, as opposed to the press having dug it up by itself. "Huh?" I screeched. "NOM is suing you? But NOM fired Carrie too!" "Well" said Lewis, "nowadays people can do just about anything."

RELATED: More than 18 months later, "Carrie Prejean sex tape" is still among the top search terms that bring folks to JMG.

New Orleans Pastor Grant Storms: I Was Totally Jerking Off In My Van

The Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office said today that anti-gay New Orleans Pastor Grant Storms admitted to them that he was masturbating in his van by that playground. But Storms says he wasn't actually watching any children, therefore the obscenity charge shouldn't stick.

Reverend Grant Storms was booked on Friday after his arrest at Lafreniere Park. Witnesses told investigators they saw the man fondling himself in his van while watching children on the playground. JPSO authorities said Storms admitted to the offense. He denies the charge and says no children were around. He plans to hold a press conference Tuesday afternoon to address the situation. He says that video footage should clear his name. Storms apologized and asked that people respect the privacy of his family. Storms said one woman saw him with his hand in his underwear, but nothing more. Storms is well known in the New Orleans area for orchestrating protests of the Southern Decadence Festival.

Southern Decadence organizer Chuck Robinson: "He's done everything through the years to disturb [the festival] and try to make it into something nasty that it's not. If the Rev. Storms is caught doing that in our city, it is ludicrous and heinous that he would have the nerve to complain about any kind of sexuality."

UPDATE: At his press conference today, Storms said that police reports of his confession are a lie. But wait, there's more.

He did, however, admit that he was looking at pornography on-line about an hour before he went to the park. He added that he struggles with an addiction to porn, and he asked pastors to help deal with his demons. Storms told members of the media he is no longer connected with the church that once staged the protests against Southern Decadence, now running a lawn care business. Weeping, he then went on to apologize to family and friends. He even apologized to those that he once railed against, including members of the gay community and organizers of Decadence Festival. Storms said he was taken aback by news that he had confessed to authorities that he had masturbated and exposed himself to children in the park, calling the allegation a "lie." "At no time did any children see me," said Storms. "I'm not a pedophile, I'm not a child molester."

DELAWARE: O'Donnell Trounced, Entire State Masturbates In Celebration

Democrat Chris Coons picks up Sen. Joe Biden's seat in a rout against "ex-gay" advocate and teabagger whackadoodle Christine O'Donnell, sending the entire state of Delaware off to whack their own doodles in celebration.

O'Donnell: Repealing DADT Would Be Like Allowing Adultery In The Military

Via Wonkroom, here's what Christine O'Donnell said about DADT.

"A federal judge recently ruled that we have to overturn Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. There are a couple of things we need to say about that. First of all, judges should not be legislating from the bench. Second of all, it’s up to the military to set the policy that the military believes is in the best interest of unit cohesiveness and military readiness. The military already regulates personal behavior in that it doesn’t allow affairs to go on within your chain of command. It does not allow it you are married to have an adulterous affair within the military. So the military already regulates personal behavior because it feels that it is in the best interest of our military readiness. I don’t think that Congress should be forcing a social agenda on to our military. I think we should leave that to the military."

Fuller clips of the debate are in the post below this one.

Carrie Prejean: I'm Going To Finger Myself With THIS Hand On Survivor!

It's being reported that Miss Ladyfingers USA has been cast for the next season of Survivor. Such isolation! And all those cameras! Whatever will she do with her time? Wait, we know...