Ten Minutes Of Speaking In Tongues

It makes you pine for some lovely Vogon poetry.

David Benham, Dominionist

"Unfortunately, the church, now that we have the keys to authority that Christ gives the Christian church, we give that dominion back through our silence. And so what we see now is the struggle for dominion. And one of the ways that we've lost dominion is because Christians, unfortunately, don't believe in the sovereignty of God. God is sovereign over all things. The Bible says in Psalm 24 'the Earth is the Lord's and everything in it,' including government, entertainment, media, education, the legal system, everything. My finances, my sexuality, everything is under God. Does this agenda, this sexual anarchy agenda, does it want dominion? Take a look. Has it got dominion in government? Has it got dominion in entertainment? Has it got dominion, I mean, you name it, in the marketplace? Yes. Absolutely it does. How does God get dominion back? The government exists for the punishment of evildoers and for the reward of those who do good. The problem is, is when we switch good and evil and evil and good. There's only one institution that can fight that dominion battle, and that's the church." - Failed HGTV star David Benham, speaking at an Alliance Defending Freedom event where New York Times columnist Ross Douthat also denounced LGBT rights.

RELATED: Wikipedia's entry on dominionism explains quite clearly why these are the most dangerous of all Christianists.

How To Prevent Armageddon

"I think we ought to have a strong military, but there is absolutely no amount of armaments we could require to protect ourselves against the judgment of almighty God. The best defense policy we could have as a nation, instead of just the acquisition of an endless number of armaments, the best defense policy we could have to protect our nation would be to turn away from ignoring God’s almighty law; to turn away and say no to these things that God has said no to; to turn around and repent from the murder of millions of children in the womb through abortion; to turn away and say no to what God has called an abomination, homosexual marriage; to say no to the continued allowance of God’s named to be blasphemed or be banned from the public square." - Pastor Robert Jeffress, on how to prevent Armageddon. Don't the Jeebus people want Armageddon to happen? (Via Right Wing Watch)

RELATED: We last heard from Jeffress when he announced that gay people want to legalize pedophilia.  And early in the presidential campaign, he revealed that Mormons and Jews will all end up sucking Satan's cock in hell. Or something.

Hate Group Leaders Rally Thousands In Philadelphia: America Belongs To Jesus

Thousands of Christianists rallied in downtown Philadelphia yesterday where notorious hate group leaders exhorted the crowd to declare that America belongs to Jesus.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson and Family Research Council president Tony Perkins topped a full day of speakers at “The America for Jesus 2012” prayer rally. Robertson, a former Republican candidate for president, called the election important, but didn’t mention either major political party or candidate by name. “I don’t care what the ACLU says or any atheists say. This nation belongs to Jesus, and we’re here today to reclaim his sovereignty,” said Robertson, 82, who founded the Christian Coalition and Christian Broadcasting Network, and ran for president in 1988. Organizers plan another prayer rally Oct. 20 in Washington, D.C., two weeks before President Barack Obama faces Republican Mitt Romney in the presidential election.

Among the many anti-gay speakers was wackadoodle mental asylum escapee Cindy Jacobs, who has personally stopped hurricanes and terrorist attacks through her awesome powers.

Wingnut Site Of The Day

Go to Now The End Begins for one-stop shopping. Homophobia, end times, racism, theocracy, Christian Sharia, dominionism, Zionism. They've got it all!

Tony Perkins: We Can't Yet Trust Romney, Who Supports Special Rights For Gays

In yet another MSNBC appearance, this morning hate group leader Tony Perkins tied himself into knots as he simultaneously denounced Mitt Romney as a dirty homo lover AND as somebody that evangelicals will rally behind.

(Via Igor Volsky)

Sharpen Your Steel: Christian Boot Camp

Christian men, pick up your swords!

Why is speaking the truth so hard to do? Why do Christian men apologize for what the Bible teaches? Wasn’t it Paul who asked “Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?" I say it is time Christian-men grew some stones. Rush called the Georgetown law-student a slut. He apologized for it. But what he said was truthful. Why do we cow-tow to the evil? What do we permit haters of God to dictate how we represent Jesus? Franklin Graham questioned the President’s Christianity. The God-haters bellowed until Rev. Graham caved. The God-haters demand he apologize for defending the faith. Buckling under to their bullying is not Christian.

David Barton: Intolerance Of Homosexuals Is A Blessed Sign Of Spiritual Revival

Frothy Stands By "GET OUT" Preacher

UPDATE: The clip has been fixed.

Rick Santorum's Preacher: Non-Christians Should Get Out Of The United States

Liberals and gays should get out too, by the way. Get ready for three minutes of the most raving and spittle-flecked bigotry and hatred you'll see today.

The Latest Lie From David Barton

"If a teenager wants to earn $370,000 more in their lifetime than all their neighbors, you know what they need to do? A study now shows that if you are not sexually active as a teenage, you do earn $370,000 more in your lifetime than others. Now explain that ... it just shows God's ways work." - Anti-gay activist David Barton, pulling a number out of his ass that Right Wing Watch notes is completely fictional.

FRC: Slutty Women Caused Gay Marriage

Forty years ago the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that it should be legal for unmarried women to have access to birth control. And that, says the Family Research Council, is what started America down the slut-strewn road to gay marriage.

On March 22nd, 1972, the Supreme Court undermined the boundaries and benefits of marriage. In the decision Eisenstadt v. Baird, the Court struck down a Massachusetts law prohibiting the distribution of contraceptives to unmarried people, and implicitly sanctioned unmarried non-procreative sexual intimacy. While the decision may seem archaic and insignificant by modern sexual standards, Eisenstadt v. Baird dealt a decisive blow to the legal and cultural norm that marriage was the institution for the full expression of the sexual relationship between man and woman. The decision and its legal consequences affect us today. Forty years ago, the Court ruled that unmarried couples could not be denied their birth control. Today, the Federal government is forcing us to share the cost, for said contraception and some states are giving marital status to homosexual relationships.

(Via Right Wing Watch)

Pastor Opens OK House Session With Deranged Rant Blaming Katrina On Gays

Pastor Bill Ledbetter of Fairview Baptist Church opened last week's session of the Oklahoma House with a lengthy deranged rant that denounces the separation of church and state as non-existent. Then he veers into the old chestnut that God destroyed New Orleans because of Southern Decadence. Then it's "something something Jeebus blood damnation hellfire something wharrgarbl wharrgarbl yahtzee!" And the democratically elected body of legislators sat reverently and nodded along. The Republic of Gilead is upon us, people.

CORRECTION: I was watching the Kansas caucus results on CNN when I posted this and stupidly wrote that this happened in the Kansas House. OKLAHOMA.

A Super Prayer For Super Tuesday

God Almighty, the Alpha and Omega, He who knows all that has been and all that will be, somehow isn't yet settled on picking the next president for us. But if enough of you follow the directions of Prophetress Cindy Jacobs and squint and clench and pray SUPER hard for Super Tuesday, then maybe He'll make sure that a true earthly spokesmodel for the Holy Dead Zombie gets into office. But please be brief. God is SUPER busy killing babies and giving people cancer.

Cindy Jacobs: Pray For SC To Choose A Christian Who Will Impose Biblical Law

"We Declare and Decree that: South Carolina will be guided by Holy Spirit. South Carolina will hear the voice of the Lord as to the one He has chosen and vote with courage and wisdom. South Carolina will point the Nation toward the rising up of the Lord’s anointed for the Office of President. South Carolina will lift up the one who will make all choices based on God’s Word as revealed in Holy Scripture. South Carolina will be the state which releases a new 'David Anointing' on the one chosen to seek after God’s heart and kill the goliaths in SC and America. No more compromise of your revealed values and standards in your Word. South Carolina will chose one who will support and defend Israel." - Wackadoodle "healer" Cindy Jacobs.

RELATED: Jacobs also has a special prayer for South Carolina's polling places, which are apparently where Satan reigns.

Oh Lord Jesus, we pray and put your precious blood over this property, building and people. We seal it with your powerful, cleansing, redeeming blood. We put a waterfall of your blood flowing down over every door, window or spiritual entryway. We bath and cleans each person who enters with your precious blood. In Jesus Name we claim and cleans this property for the Lord’s Holy purpose. In Jesus Name, we take authority over all demonic forces of Satan and bind them into silence and inactivity. In Jesus Name, we refuse any communication between spirits unless directed by the Holy Spirit.

Family Research Council: Five Million More Christians Needed To Control America

Matt Barber: Help! I'm Being Oppressed!

"This has never been about celebrating diversity or equality; it's about, yeah, you celebrate diversity, you affirm our demonstrably destructive, spiritually, physically, emotionally, our lifestyle, under penalty of law, or else. And that goes for you too, church. You either allow us desecrate your property with our counter-biblical, sinful civil union ceremony or we will see that you are sanctioned by the United States government." - Matt Barber, speaking today on his radio show.

RELATED: Barber attended yesterday's "press conference" outside the Alabama headquarters of the SPLC. Judging by today's interwebs, so far the event appears to have been totally devoid of any actual, you know, press.

SHARIA LAW: Liberty Counsel Rewrites The Declaration Of Independence

The Liberty Counsel has boldly issued their own "Declaration of American Values," a document they'd presumably like to see become law. Here's a small sampling of the chilling items they demand of the government:

To secure our national interest in the institution of marriage and family by embracing the union of one man and one woman as the sole form of legitimate marriage and the proper basis of family.

To secure the free exercise of religion for all people, including the freedom to acknowledge God through our public institutions and other modes of public expression and the freedom of religious conscience without coercion by penalty or force of law.

To secure the moral dignity of each person, acknowledging that obscenity, pornography, and indecency debase our communities, harm our families, and undermine morality and respect. Therefore, we promote enactment and enforcement of laws to protect decency and traditional morality.

It should be plain to even the most casual observer that the Christianist right demands nothing less than that the complete imposition of Sharia law. You don't get to decide what you read, what you watch, whom you fuck, and certainly not whom you marry. Jesus knows best and those who complain the loudest will be the first up against the wall. This country is heading for its own Kristallnacht, should these 21st century fascists ever get any real power.

The EU Will Be Punished For Defying God!

"Europe is going to shake, shake, shake. The EU, who felt they could leave God out of their government and even imprison pastors for preaching the gospel, is going to be dealt with by God, Himself. In the midst of the shaking, God is going to awaken the church as never before seen in history. Other nations such as Russia and parts of Asia will shake as well. In some nations, dictators will topple who have seemingly had such a deep hold on their nations that they have been considered immovable.

"Many nations will experience rioting in the midst of the economic shakings. God will use this season to uproot the anti-Christ spirit, as many who were formerly favorable to 'isms', such as Islam, will see it for what it truly is and turn to Christ. Turkey and Egypt will try to intimidate Israel. Again, the Lord spoke to us that we must stand with Israel." - Cindy Jacobs, revealing her most recent chat with God, after which they went to Olive Garden and had some killer margaritas.

Satan Runs Wall Street

The Seven Mountains dominionists, who believe that God has ordered Christians to control the "seven mountains of American culture," say that Satan has a firm grip on Wall Street and is "sending his kings" to run to the other six mountains. I think that's what this loon is saying. I get so distracted with that holy magic marker-ing.

RELATED: Explaining the Seven Mountains.